Have you heard about the lonesome loser? He's a loser but he still keeps on trying. It's time now for another Pinball Profile. I'm your host, Jeff Teolis. You can find our group on Facebook. We're also on Twitter at Pinball Profile. Email us pinballprofile at gmail.com or please subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or Google Play. He is the most magnetic, controversial person in pinball. And the coolest. He is an enigma. He's opinionated. He doesn't hold back. Quite honestly, he strikes fear into many of us in the pinball community because of his pointed views and pointed head. He is here for his first exclusive one-on-one interview. It was not easy to get him here on Pinball Profile. He is Pinside Petey. Nice introduction. Did your mom write it for you? By the way, T-O-L-S, I'm recording it too in case you try to edit and make me look stupid and say something I didn't say. Petey, Petey, I would never put words into your mouth. I'm just here to interview you and get to know you and ask the questions everyone wants to know, like, why are you such a relentless dickhead? Oh, I'm the dickhead. I didn't name my show Pinball Pro-Pile. Pile of crap. It's Pinball Pro-File, and I'm going to ask you to please keep it clean. If you want it clean, maybe take a shower once in a while. Petey, you first arrived on the scene when Iron Maiden came out. People noticed critiques on Pinside like, I don't like the band, and therefore I rate it at 1 out of 10. A review like that doesn't make any sense, so they reached out to you on Head to Head Pinball Podcast, and every time you show up on that show, you can't get 10 words in without dropping an F-bomb. Oh, I drop bombs. Every episode you release is a bomb. Oh, and how are your best friends, Ted Nugent and Gene Simmons? Those are riveting interviews. Here's an idea. Talk pinball once in a while. I'm surprised you're not sponsored by Hoover, because you suck! Ah, Petey, Petey, you're so negative. Trying to promote all things pinball on this show. All you ever do is crap all over everything. Don't believe me? Head to Head even got you to host their best of the worst awards the Torpies Listen to this The winner of worst call in a pinball machine is okay let see who the worst call out someone did choose from thunderbirds you know what the worst call it is player one you're up it's so true actually split my side you think you're so funny Petey don't you you know you're so stupid that I had actually arranged for Mike from Homepin to give you a brand new Thunderbirds game. Thunder turds? What was the second prize? Two games? I can't win. You're critical of everything it seems. Case in point when the Beatles came out you said on slam tilt Stern should have come out with a better band like Wang Chung. Wang Chung was ahead of their time. Well the clock's still ticking because I'm still waiting. I think Beatles is a great theme. It's fun to play. I love the art. The art? Is that what you call that? Petey, somebody wants to speak with you. You might be familiar with his work. Here is artist Christopher Franchi. Christopher, how are you? Hey, how are you guys? Oh, is this the guy who likes to doodle? Yeah, what do you doodle? I don't know. I've seen your crap. Is it true that when you started doing the monsters, you were really trying to do Adam's family and you just missed? Yeah, I couldn't find any statues to draw. Well, it's obvious you're just taking pictures and putting colors over it. I could do that. Yeah, what, like Miss Pin or something? Leave her out of it. And besides, aren't you getting ready for your podcast? Well, Petey, yeah, you know, someday soon we hope to get all that together. We've been pretty busy, but it's coming. I just assumed Steven Bowden chickened out, and that's why you wouldn't have the big battle between me and him. No, Steve is not that kind of guy. He's ready to go. Well, let me check my calendar and see if I'm ready for your show. Hmm, what am I doing in 2035? Go back to your paint-by-numbers. I'm done. See ya. Pete you hung up on the guy Why you do that He like one of my favorite artists Sorry I just was done talking to Harry Hexagon Well then maybe you can talk to this guy You been on his show several times Say hi to our good friend, Ryan C. from Head to Head Pinball. Hey, Ryan, how are you? Hey, Jeff. How you going? Petey, what's going on? Why are you so angry, dude? I tell it like I see it. Petey, do you even play pinball? Uh, yeah. I was the inspiration for Black Knight Sword of Rage. Petey, if it was inspired by you, he wouldn't be wearing a mask. He would be wearing a cape. And he wouldn't be riding an awesome horse. He'd be sitting on his keyboard in his mom's basement. Hello. Capes are cool. And if my mom's basement wasn't so awesome, why do so many different guys keep coming over? Petey, I happen to be a massive fan of head-to-head pinball and Marty and Ryan, so I'd like you to take it easy on them. Are you serious? That guy's got the funniest voice in the business. Well, you won't be hearing my voice much longer, Petey, because I've pretty much quit podcasting, and it's mostly because of you. Oh, no, that's terrible. I wish Marty felt this way, too. Sorry, Ryan. I tried, man. Anyway, you take care. Okay, Jeff. See you later. And off he goes on his boo-hoo kangaroo. Is there anything you even like in pinball? What about competitions? Do you think you could do the 24-hour battle at the Sanctum? Not long enough. Why don't you play Pinberg? Too small for me. Okay, what about City Champ? You mean City Chump? Okay, skip competitions. What about live streaming? Oh, you'd love a camera on me, wouldn't you? You creep. Is there anything you like? Any game? Any person? Well, I think Josh Sharpe is pretty cool. Come on, really? Josh, him? Uh, yeah. He's freaking smart. The guy takes away ball saves, and you still want to play in this tournament. You do have a good point there. And you're too dumb to realize the only reason he chooses to never win a big tournament is because he doesn't have to. What are you talking about? What do you mean he doesn't have to win? Why bother? He's already collected a dollar from each of you morons and endorsement money from gambling sites Touching Maybe this interview was a bad idea Maybe somebody can talk some sense into you Time for my secret weapon Petey Well it certainly not your wit Nope. Here comes my trump card. Petey, say hi to my friend, Mrs. Pin. Hi, Petey. Are you behaving? Hi, Mrs. Pin. How are you? I'm terrific, but I hear that you're being a little bit naughty. I thought you liked when I'm bad. I just wonder if you might be able to be good for once. Maybe for just like five minutes. I gotta talk to this loser. I'm sitting right here. Be nice, Petey. Just for a few minutes. You were really nice when I saw you in Texas. I was until I saw Dr. Pan. I mean, it's a package deal, Petey. He comes with me. Yeah, because he's cashing in on your fame. The guy's closer to you than your shadow. That's probably true, Petey. I mean, it is a perk of being married to me. Back off, dude. You know, sometimes it's a little difficult, but he's a really good guy. I see a crack. No cracks, Petey. Maybe just crack. They have blood tests for that, Petey. Can never be too sure. Petey, if you're not nice, I don't think we can talk anymore. Hey, okay, okay, okay, I'll be nice. Thank you, Petey. Bye, Mrs. Penn. You're the best. I'll talk to you soon. I am the best. Well, Petey, if Mrs. Pin likes you, I guess there's something about you. I haven't figured it out yet, but I think you are liked by a few. Well, that makes one of us. Take care, and maybe we'll talk again. I doubt it. Why don't you just talk to yourself instead? This has been your Pinball Profile. You can find our group on Facebook. We're also on Twitter at Pinball Profile. Email us pinballprofile at gmail.com, and please subscribe on either iTunes, Stitcher, or Google Play. Happy April Fool's Day. I'm Jeff Teels. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I just can't get you out of my head. Boy, your love is all I think about. I just can't get you out of my head. Girl, you're more than I care to think about. That's all they deserve.