Jurassic Park Topper is a Joke!

Cary Hardy·video·19m 44s·analyzed·Jun 5, 2020

Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.026

TL;DR

Cary Hardy slams $600 Jurassic Park topper as overpriced, feature-poor, and a sign of predatory DLC-style monetization in pinball.

Summary

Cary Hardy criticizes Stern Pinball's new $600 Jurassic Park topper as overpriced and underwhelming compared to previous toppers (Black Knight Sword of Rage at $500, Medieval Madness at $600) and third-party alternatives. He argues the topper offers minimal features—static images with LED strips and a gated code unlock—and positions it as the beginning of DLC-style monetization in pinball that exploits whale customers.

Key Claims

The Stern Jurassic Park topper costs $600 and includes static images with LED strips and a secret code unlock that allows individual letters of 'Jurassic Park' to light up on the playfield during certain modes
high confidence · Hardy shows the topper directly and discusses its features in detail, comparing it to official product information
The Black Knight Sword of Rage topper sells for $500 at Great American Pinball and is significantly more impressive than the Jurassic Park topper
high confidence · Hardy displays the Black Knight topper from Stern's YouTube channel and cites $500 price from Great American Pinball
The Medieval Madness remake topper (hand-painted, hand-crafted with art by Christopher Franchi) costs $600 from Cointaker and is more appealing than the Jurassic Park topper
high confidence · Hardy shows the Medieval Madness topper and confirms $600 price from Cointaker
Third-party Jurassic Park toppers are available for significantly less than $600 (one from Cointaker for $235)
high confidence · Hardy displays a Cointaker topper listed at $235
Stern is implementing DLC-style monetization in pinball machines, using paid toppers to gate exclusive gameplay features
high confidence · Hardy discusses the secret code unlock as evidence of DLC monetization: 'this is the beginning of the end those of us in the gaming market who play video games know damn well that dlc does make money'
TMNT is more likely to outsell Jurassic Park as Stern's biggest seller
medium confidence · Hardy speculates: 'I say was because TMNT is more than likely going to outsell it'
Stranger Things (recent Stern release) was not selling well in the secondary market, which is why Stern released TMNT first to test the waters before releasing the Jurassic Park topper
low confidence · Hardy speculates on Stern's business strategy: 'Stranger Things turns out it wasn't as bad as as Kerry said it was, and it's not selling well and it's not doing very well in the second market either'

Notable Quotes

“You're essentially letting them know that you're okay with this keep putting out moderate stuff at gouge prices and you will make money and you know what they'll keep doing it because they keep selling”
Cary Hardy@ 9:10 — Core criticism: buying the topper incentivizes Stern's pricing strategy
“this is the beginning of the end those of us in the gaming market who play video games know damn well that dlc does make money for the whales out there”
Cary Hardy@ 8:17 — Links pinball to video game DLC monetization model; frames topper as DLC
“This really is a slap in the damn face to customers, guys. This really is.”
Cary Hardy@ 14:53 — Emotional assessment of topper value proposition
“Do you see Black Knight Sword of Rage and big old giant freaking letters and a logo in front of this guy? No, you don't. Because that would take away from the badassery of what it is.”
Cary Hardy@ 14:06 — Critiques design choice of prominent logo on Jurassic Park topper vs. superior aesthetic of Black Knight
“if you show it off, people aren't going to be jealous. They're going to laugh.”
Cary Hardy@ 18:23 — Predicts social/community reception: mockery, not envy
“They're trying to see how far they can bend you over. How far are you willing to bend and grab those ankles and just take it?”
Cary Hardy@ 19:06 — Frames Stern's strategy as pushing pricing/feature boundaries to test customer tolerance

Entities

Cary HardypersonStern PinballcompanyGreat American PinballcompanyCointakercompany Christopher FranchipersonLonnie PaynepersonJurassic Parkgame Black Knight Sword of Ragegame

Signals

?
business_signal: Stern perceived as testing customer tolerance limits for pricing and monetization, planning escalation if current strategy succeeds
medium · Hardy warns: 'They're trying to see how far they can bend you over. How far are you willing to bend and grab those ankles and just take it?... It's only going to get worse' and references earlier criticism of Stranger Things UB kit
?
business_signal: Stern strategically sequencing product releases to test customer tolerance: TMNT before Jurassic Park topper, following Stranger Things underperformance
low · Hardy speculates: 'Let's bring out turtles first just to test the waters to see where everybody's at. They bring out turtles, and it's overwhelmingly positive... bring in the topper yeah how do you like us now'
?
competitive_signal: Third-party topper manufacturers (Cointaker, Tilt Topper) offering aesthetically superior and significantly cheaper alternatives ($235-$400 range) to Stern's $600 official topper
high · Hardy showcases Cointaker topper at $235 ('almost one-third of the friggin price'), Tilt Topper model with torch LEDs ('takes the cake... I'm pretty damn sure it's going to cost a lot less than 600 bucks'), and concludes 'if it did cost 600 bucks it looks a lot better than the one you're going to be getting from stern'
?
design_philosophy: Jurassic Park topper features prominent logo/branding in center of design, which Hardy critiques as detracting from aesthetic compared to Black Knight and Medieval Madness toppers that rely on imagery rather than text
high · Hardy compares: 'Black Knight Sword of Rage... Do you see Black Knight Sword of Rage and big old giant freaking letters and a logo in front of this guy? No, you don't' vs. Jurassic Park with 'giant-ass logo right there'

Topics

Topper pricing and value propositionprimaryDLC-style monetization in pinballprimaryStern Pinball business strategy and customer exploitationprimaryThird-party topper alternativessecondaryComparison of Stern toppers (Black Knight vs. Medieval Madness vs. Jurassic Park)secondaryGame design and aesthetic choices (logo prominence)secondaryCommunity reception and social perception of purchasessecondaryStranger Things underperformance and market dynamicsmentioned

Sentiment

negative(-0.82)— Hardy is highly critical and frustrated with Stern's pricing and feature quality, using strong language ('slap in the face,' 'screw everybody') and characterizing the topper as exploitative. However, he maintains a conversational tone and acknowledges customer autonomy, preventing sentiment from reaching absolute negativity. His tone becomes progressively more frustrated as the video progresses.

Transcript

youtube_groq_whisper · $0.059

oh god oh sturd you done fucked up man you've done oh i find it funny oh man it's good stuff what's up guys and welcome back to my channel where i talk and do everything pinball so if that sounds interesting to you then hit that subscribe button down below now i just got off work i come home i've been working all day well i've been at work all day and i come home and i went ahead and knocked out the lawn mowing too and mowed the yard so now i'm relaxing with a nice cold russian imperial stout also known as oras putin very good stuff in case you don't know what this is uh if i can get the camera turned right very good recommend it i think it's about nine percent for each one of these bottles yep nine percent good stuff so it gets me all nice and loosey-goosey to talk about how stern's trying to screw everybody so uh let's talk about this guys uh let me get this stuff out of the way and show you what we got in store for us. It's a new topper for your Jurassic Park for the lovely price of $600. But if you're willing to, you can just get it for $53 a month using Affirm. Are you kidding me? So what all do you get with this $600 topper, you might be asking. Am I going to be getting a motorized Raptor or a T-Rex head or some handcrafted materials, something to go on this very good pinball machine? You would expect a topper to match it. Something equally as awesome. Now granted this is going to be a difficult task to do Because the predecessor The previous topper that was released Is none other than the Black Knight's Sword of Rage And that's a tough one to beat And immediately When I saw the Black Knight topper Let me show it to you guys right here In case you don't know what this is So Here is the topper in action This is from The Stern's YouTube channel. So this is the topper. This is a freaking badass topper. I'm pretty sure not a single person out there when they saw this topper was like, Ha! Gay! No. Because this is top tier. That is top tier toppers. That is the best yet. Nothing has been able to top that. top topper let's have another swig so granted i'm not expecting them to continuously put out a better topper each time they come out with a game that would be ridiculous be awesome but unrealistic but what i do expect is that if you're going to put out a damn topper that it is not six hundred dollars that's not the problem guys if you want to charge six hundred dollars for a topper then make it worth it give me not me because i don't own the game yet but make it to where it's like six hundred dollars you're getting a hell of a bargain that black knot topper you just saw how much is that let's find out bam you can get this bad baby from a great american pinball for 500 that's right now this is something i'm going to bring up earlier or later is just going to scan across this topper there's something that you don't see okay just keep that in mind so another good topper let's bring up uh yeah medieval madness i got some stuff here so the Medieval Madness remake topper. Here we go. This is something that has also come out just recently that is an awesome topper. Handcrafted. Hand painted. Art by Christopher Franchi in the background. You have this amazing static topper. This thing doesn even move But it visually stunning Once again when people saw this topper not a single person was like Ha! Gay! And how much is that topper? How much is that topper? You can get this topper for $600 from Cointaker. So, you're right there with your Jurassic Park topper for $600, but it's much more appealing. hell I'd rather have the Medieval Madness remake topper on top of a Jurassic Park than that shit that the Stern's putting out right now so what is the what is the crazy king and those uh the those goblins or whatever on the play field have to do with uh your Jurassic Park absolutely nothing it just looks a hell of a lot better than my my other option now speaking of options is the fact that you have a couple of other options to do besides the one that Stern is giving us. Now, something I want to point out also is that on this, what are you getting? What are you getting? Now, this is what I cannot wait for, is how the distributors are going to try to sell this to people, how they're going to talk it up and try to hype it up and get you to buy this thing. I cannot wait to hear it Because it's going to be a laugh fest for those of us out there that look at this and go, yeah, that's not a good deal. Now, what do John Youssi on this topper, guys? I'm going to try to zoom in for this thing for you guys on the video. I'm not going to zoom in here. Well, I can zoom in here. Oh, there we go. So what are you getting? you're getting led strips right here that light up so you can see this art that is very subjectively good or bad to those of you out there but let's just say that i was not fond of the art cabinet and guess what this art looks like it looks a lot like the art on the cabinet so like hey did you not care about the art that was on the machine guess what we're gonna charge you six hundred dollars to put it on top of your machine and light it up for everyone to see oh yeah there you go now this is this is um so you get this oh another drink so this is this is cracking me up because this is what you're getting and you're like oh that doesn't look very good you're getting static images and you're like is that all just a static image with some lights no this is where the real kicker kicks in guys this is where it gets really interesting because not only are you spending six hundred dollars for this product let's just say that but you're also going to get with this secret code that is only able to be unlocked with this topper now what does that code do it allows that each letter of jurassic park i'm guessing lights up individually when you do certain things on the play field and it's a certain mode that you will only get when you spend six hundred dollars for this topper which makes it even better because that means that the things that a lot of the things i say are starting to come true guys when it comes to dlc on pinball machines this is it this is the beginning of the end those of us in the gaming market who play video games know damn well that dlc does make money for the whales out there it does make money and that's why they're doing this because they're they're gonna make money they're gonna make money they're probably gonna sell every single one of these damn things but and the thing is you let me get this straight guys if you buy this fine i don't care you're spending your money it's your money you work or don't work or whatever you can buy this i don't care but let it be known that when slash if you do buy this then you're essentially part of the problem that's all that is because what you're telling them when you settle when you settle for this topper and spend all that money you're essentially letting them know that you're okay with this keep putting out moderate stuff at gouge prices and you will make money and you know what they'll keep doing it because they keep selling and i know those of you out there that have purchased this or purchasing or plan to do so are aware of this yeah i know i'm part of the problem but i want it on my machine I'm like why do you care what I spend my money on I got I said I don't care but all I know is that the first person I see post this thing on Facebook or Pennside and try to sound like they bragging about it look check out my new Jurassic Park topper you not going to get oh man i so jealous of you you so awesome you going to get a lot of like yeah you um just throwing money out the window that a waste of money and maybe a lot of other derogatory things but it's not going to be it's not going to be jealousy it's not going to be jealousy from you jurassic park people you're not like oh man i can't believe i missed out on this great product you're going to get a lot more laughs than anything because you've been essentially overpaid for a very moderate product. And that's what it is. I'm going to point out some other toppers that you could get for a fraction of the price. Now, here's one. This is on Cointaker for $235. I'll try to zoom in so you can get a better idea of this one. But this is not too drastically different than what Stern's offering. You've got, obviously, this is Jurassic Park because of the words jurassic park the t-rex and the vehicle here and it's a static image but it's more of a 3d thing which is also what stern's got going for it but honestly this looks more appealing for almost one-third of the friggin price so there's an option if you so wish to coin takers got it let's see what other options we got okay here's another option this is honestly for the old DE Jurassic Park, but still, you know, you're looking at, what, I don't know, this is European, so it's different, I don't feel like doing the math and shit, but you're definitely looking at a hell of a lot lower price, but it's another option, but, uh, granted, definitely not as cool as others, and that's available through Ministry Pinball, and here's one recently posted up on pin side. This is through tilt topper. Look at this! Are you freaking kidding me? Okay, so there's a video too. Let's see what this is. Oh, what the? It's even got little torch lights for little LEDs in there for the torches. all right so let's fast forward here it's going over right here uh yeah this is one that i would say takes the cake that's pretty awesome that's pretty awesome looking i mean it's obvious what game that goes to what it has to do with it looks like it's got materials that are worthwhile uh let's see here yeah i guarantee you everyone's probably like i'm in nice i'm in available price all that kind of stuff and junk here on pin side and uh this is being done by uh someone named uh habiboo at tilt topper and i'm guessing these are available i thought for sure i was just on their website but i didn't see it but so far this one's in the lead and i'm pretty damn sure it's going to cost a lot less than 600 bucks or if it did cost 600 bucks it looks a lot better than the one you're going to be getting from stern so where's the money going to you guys now their argument is going to be like well it's it's licensing okay let's take that into consideration for a moment here. It's like, what exactly is on this topper that would be considered licensed material? Now, more than likely, let's look at it again. Maybe the logo. But I don't know of the words Jurassic Park. Well, it does say TM right there, so that could be considered something. But this is something that's interesting. I don't know what the license thing is. I don't care to even look it up. But the thing is, they could have gotten past with the licensing, I believe, by doing something else than putting a big-ass freaking logo of it right here in the middle of it. People obviously know what damn game you're playing. That's what brings up my point when you're looking at Black Knight Sword of Rage. Do John Youssi Black Knight Sword of Rage and big old giant freaking letters and a logo in front of this guy? No, you don't. Because that would take away from the badassery of what it is. when you look at the medieval madness. Do John Youssi a giant medieval madness in front of this badass king and the castle and all this other kind of stuff? No, you do not. Because you know what friggin' game you're playing. You don't need to have a giant damn logo in the middle of it to let everybody know what game it is. So if you wanted to get past licensing and save a buck or two to do better by your customers, then get rid of the giant-ass logo right there. Do some moldings something better than this This is a slap in the damn face I starting to get angry I need to drink more I not wanting to sound angry I guess the more I think about it, I start to get angry because this really is a slap in the face to customers, guys. This really is. You have a badass pinball machine. You have one. this was your biggest seller. I say was because TMNT is more than likely going to outsell it. And it was no stain on it. The title of this game had no stain. It was good. You could have never come out with a topper and been better. But now, you bring this out, and now it's going to be like, oh, Jurassic Park, great game, shitty topper. oh man and it's like i feel like they they time this out i bet you know this has been done for a while and it was like hey guys we need to bring out this topper so we can get some revenue in during this this uh downtime i'm pretty sure it was like like someone had to have been like no now it's not a good time uh our latest release stranger things turns out it wasn't as bad as as Kerry said it was, and it's not selling well and it's not doing very well in the second market either. We don't think it's a good time to really just throw that out there, just to do two things in a row that are just not good. Let's bring out turtles first just to test the waters to see where everybody's at. They bring out turtles, and it's overwhelmingly positive. Everyone's like, yeah, way to go, Stern, you're doing good. They're like, we are? We are? bring in the topper yeah how do you like us now oh god there's just so much that they could have done a buddy of mine did a mod slash topper ordeal with his old school data east jurassic park let me bring that up on his channel real quick to show you this so this is something uh this is my buddy Lonnie Payne and this is something that he did with his Jurassic Park right here guys this is a mod that he made where an actuator comes out and a raptor claw comes out and does that are you kidding me are you freaking kidding me that was a big old hit at Texas Pinball Festival he did that himself he didn't have a recruitment of engineers and licensing boardroom bull smockery whatever he built that stuff himself put it on his machine and the sob won best of show and i bring that up because they could have had the topper do something whether it be an actual you know raptor up there and maybe like his claws like tap or something i don't know i could sit here and brainstorm and come up with a lot better ideas than this jesus i've already spent more time talking about this damn thing than i'd like to Like I said, I'm not mad. And once again, do what you want with your cash, but be forewarned if slash when you do buy this topper, if you show it off, people aren't going to be jealous. They're going to laugh. I don't – whatever. It's whatever. Do what you want to with your money. Now, if you were trying to spend my money on this, then I'd be pissed. But I think I'm more mad because it's like it's only going to get worse from here, guys. And I've said it on my last video when it came to Stranger Things when they brought out their UB kit. It's only going to get worse. And we're still dipping their toes in, guys. They're trying to see how far they can bend you over. How far are you willing to bend and grab those ankles and just take it? How far are you willing to go, guys? Stern's gonna find out