Wii Suck @ Video Games - Episode 21 - Geon Cube

Poor Man's Pinball Podcast·podcast_episode·analyzed·Apr 17, 2024

Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.021

TL;DR

Geon Cube for Wii reviewed as frustratingly difficult puzzle game with poor balance and zero community presence.

Summary

The hosts of Poor Man's Pinball Podcast review Geon Cube for the Wii, a puzzle game released in October 2009. They find it frustratingly difficult with poor game balance—it's hard from the start with no rewarding progression, making it inaccessible despite tight controls. Both rate it 6/10 and note the game has virtually no online presence or user reviews, suggesting it was commercially unsuccessful and largely forgotten.

Key Claims

Geon Cube was released October 27, 2009
high confidence · Host directly states the release date during episode
The game has no Metacritic rating, no user reviews, and no GameFAQs entries
high confidence · Host explicitly checked these sources and reports finding nothing: 'No Metacritic rating. No ratings. No user reviews. No nothing.'
The game is too difficult from the start and lacks proper progression curve
high confidence · Both hosts agree the difficulty is 'hard as shit' from the beginning and compare it unfavorably to Mike Tyson's Punch-Out starting with Mike Tyson himself
The publisher had a four-year run from 2007-2011 with mostly Geon-branded titles
high confidence · Host reads off the publisher's game catalog during the episode
Mini-games and training content must be unlocked by beating time trials
high confidence · Hosts discover this mechanic during gameplay and express frustration that it locks content behind difficult challenges

Notable Quotes

“This game can go to hell.”
Mal (host) @ mid-review segment — Expresses the frustration level with the game's difficulty and poor design
“No Metacritic rating. No ratings. No user reviews. No nothing. This game never existed.”
Mal (host) @ review conclusion — Highlights the game's complete absence from online gaming communities and databases
“I've never seen a Metacritic with no user reviews. No one has nothing to say. I'm like, okay, they sold seven of these.”
Mal (host) @ review conclusion — Emphasizes how obscure and commercially unsuccessful Geon Cube was
“it's so weird because normally i can get a game right like i can get into it like even if i don't like a game i can play it enough that i'm like oh this is cool”
Mal (host) @ gameplay discussion — Shows the hosts' typical tolerance for games, making Geon Cube's poor accessibility exceptional
“if the first one you do and you're like oh that's fun yeah and the second one is almost almost didn't make it... then the third one's like oh geez you know... But no, this is just literally like... Hard from the get-go.”
Chris Craft/Sally (host) @ game balance discussion — Articulates the core game design failure—no ramp-up curve for learning

Entities

MalpersonChris CraftpersonSallypersonGeon CubegameThe MunchablesgameKatamari DamacygamePoor Man's Pinball PodcastorganizationRubik's WorldgameUFO InteractivecompanySuper Monkey BallgameMike Tyson's Punch-Out!!game

Signals

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product_concern: Geon Cube has severe game balance issues with difficulty set too high from the start, lacking a proper ramp-up curve. Controls and mechanics are sound but progression is locked behind nearly impossible time trials.
high · Hosts repeatedly mention the game is 'hard as shit' from the beginning with no tutorial progression, and mini-games are locked behind time trials that are 'impossible' to beat
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product_concern: Geon Cube may have used excessive or poorly-integrated motion controls; hosts speculate the Wii version was a platform-specific experiment that wouldn't translate to other systems like iPhone or DS
medium · Hosts discuss how the DS and iPhone versions would have to be 'totally different games' and speculate this was a 'Shane Black sheep' experiment with motion controls
?
content_signal: Poor Man's Pinball Podcast episode reviews Wii games using random selection from a jar; hosts rate games 1-10 and typically reference Metacritic user reviews for humor
high · Hosts explain their process of drawing games from a jar and mention they typically look up Metacritic ratings and user reviews; this is their established show format
$
market_signal: Geon Cube appears to be a commercial failure with virtually no online presence; no Metacritic entries, GameFAQs data, or user reviews exist, suggesting minimal sales or community engagement
high · Host explicitly checked Metacritic, GameFAQs, and other databases and found 'no ratings, no user reviews, no nothing' and jokingly estimates 'they sold seven of these'
?
gameplay_signal: Hosts expect puzzle games to be gradually accessible with increasing difficulty—this game violates that convention by being hard from the start, making it frustrating rather than engaging

Transcript

groq_whisper · $0.046

0:00

this podcast is recorded before a live feline audience and by that of course i mean it's time for we suck at video games my name is mal and with me as always craft brew sally and we're here to talk about Wii games. One in particular, but others sometimes.

0:33

So what do we got going on? What did we get this week? This week I surprised Craft Brew Sally with a game she'd never heard of. And it is amazing. I know. I can't wait to play it more. I know. It's called The Munchables. Now you're like, The Munchables for the Wii? What the hell is that? You'll have to find out when we review it. Well, yes. But I will say the reason I got it is because it resembles uh crafter sally's favorite game of all time one of them anyway katamari damashi yes now i've heard it's pronounced katamari damase but i i i go with katamari damashi i don't care it doesn't matter even if i said it correctly a japanese a japanese exchange student would go she'd say it the exact same way as me and i'd be like uh-huh that's what i said no it's not just ask us how we know this yeah so many times that's not right so yes it it is it is the it's awesome it is very japanese and it is very just the best so if you have a chance to get the munchables for the wii i would highly suggest you do it because it is really really fun and Especially if you like Katamari Damacy, then you will... And if you've never played it, you should buy Katamari Damacy. It's on whatever systems you have, because it's insane. But that's not what we're here for this week. No. This week... Did we get anything else? I don't think so. I got those Switch games. I think I said that last time. I buy a lot of Switch games on those limited run, and these one-off places that make these low-run games. whatever so okay it's it's uh it was a slow week i've been looking but not a lot's popping up there's a couple now we are hitting yard sale season yes and yard sales are usually not but sometimes i can find some so um i'm always hopeful so it is once the snow melts here in wisconsin after the third winter the yard sale signs pop up the the water makes them grow and they pop up and you see it's the same crap as everywhere else all right so what game are we reviewing this week we are reviewing geon cube geon cube for the we uh now when was this this was released what was it? October 27th. 2009.

4:56

Then Peppa Pig. Happy Miss Chicken. Peppa Pig. iPhone. And that same one for the DS. That looks like their last thing. Oh, no. Fireman Sam. so they were uh they were out from 2007 to 2011 so we got a four-year run and 90 of it is gion so what does it say on the back are you a square or a cube outwit and outplay your opponent in this fast-paced original arcade action puzzler that will have you on edge as you frantically try to power up your geon cube and score on your opponents hey i should start having you read the back of this box because you're better at reading stuff so there you go and it was did i say it was a ufo was the developer the publisher i did not doesn't matter so there you have it this was a puzzler and uh i was kind of excited about this game i was too to begin with yeah it looked it looked fun yeah we have no history of this game i never heard of it before i draw drew it out of the magic jar and i went geon cube is that a thing yes it is a thing yes it is a thing i'll be damned it is a thing so it had potential it did it does well i did i think you're right it probably does like i don't know okay we're just gonna go right into the review kind of it looks like when you start it up it looks like like it has dots so it looks like reminds you of pac-man but it's like marble madness and pac-man all those like kind of that kind of stuff so i immediately thought of like peggle and i thought of like all those wacky easy to game easy to play games what was that magnetica or whatever the one with the marble or the the balls that you would make three out of or oh you know like it's just like a thing it's just the thing that you can play and you're like it's really easy to pick up and then you start getting addicted to it and you can't put it down right you know candy crush all that kind of crap like that the munchables the yes the munchables so you know and that's like kind of what i was like oh this will be cool this is something i never heard of it'll be fun well it isn't i mean it's it's not it's not terrible it's hard as shit like it's confusing too which that's okay because it like tells you what you should do but that's not what you can do yeah and that's okay because like Wario the Wario series is made by that where you got what the hell we doing oh my god I have three seconds to do it you know like it it funny because you laugh and then you figure it out and it right it good this one was this was a classic example of not a good game balance like the controls were fine the what you were supposed to do made sense but it was so hard you couldn't play anything because you had to unlock different things even mini games had to be unlocked but to unlock them you had to beat time races that it wasn't you it was impossible yeah and and you're like this is like if you put in mike Tyson's punch out and you started with Mike Tyson and you're just like well this isn't playable right like you got they got to give you something that's what gets you into a game right if the first one you do and you're like oh that's fun yeah and the second one is almost didn't make it I almost had it yeah oh yeah you make it right wow that was a close one then the third one's like oh geez you know Piston Honda got me again but I'll get him this time you But no, this is just literally like... Hard from the get-go. And not rewarding enough that it's like, oh, I'm laughing and having fun, so I'm going to keep going and keep going and keep going and hope I get it. Right. Like, for a puzzler game, come on, man. Right. Puzzlers, you're supposed to be able to do stuff for a while. Yes. Until it gets really hard. Yeah. Or medium hard. Right. and then you try it a couple times and you're like oh i got that one now and then yeah you know it just ramps up but because it wasn't like the the controls were tight right it worked nice it was fun it was like i was just like and it was and at first i'm like what am i not getting here i'm wondering if it was too there was a little bit too much you gotta pretty much hit all the buttons and Jostle the Wii remote. Maybe. It was too much to have to do what you needed to do. Because how would an iPhone version of this work? Or the DS version? You can't. It would have to be a totally different game. Yeah. This has to be the black sheep because they were like, oh, look, motion controls. That'll be wacky or whatever. which i mean they had like when you first started like kind of doing the tutorial it was like they had you move and showed you stuff and then they had you jump oh no i'm thinking of something different yes you are you're thinking of the game that you like but so this one was just like it's so weird because normally i can get a game right like i can get into it like even if i don't like a game i can play it enough that i'm like oh this is cool and i know there's people that like this game i think but i i was like woof no just no thanks like we tried first i tried the league and i got swept and i didn't even score a goal i was like what the hell because that was the first option was the league and i was like what the so then i went to like the training and the training was like well roll your cube and you pick up things and that's cool and i'm like okay that's what i was doing and then so then i went back to like what i do like then we tried mini games i was like why isn't mini games launching because they had big x's over all of them but i was too dim to like see that there was x's on them and i was like oh and at the bottom it said you have to beat these time trials i was like well time trials that'll be fun because that's like you remember what's that super monkey ball when you do the time trials and you're like oh i'll get it this time you know no no you're not gonna get it at all you're gonna be like a minute over craft or sally tried and i was like well i'll try this one and i failed and craft or sally failed Then I failed. I was like, you know what? This game can go to hell. Yeah. Then we put in Munchables, and Jen was like, this is the favorite game I've ever seen in my whole entire life. Yeah. And it just was so, it was just, like, frustrating, and it shouldn't have been. No. This game looked fun Yeah You can like have the fun time trial things that hard on number one No why would you You can't. So, I mean, I was trying to think of what I would give this game, and I was like, okay, I gave it a 6 out of 10. Because, again, I didn't hate it. Yeah, I think I wrote the same, 6 out of 10. And here's a fun fact, because a big portion of our shows is I like to give the Metacritic, and I read the funny user reviews where somebody gives a really bad one and then somebody gives a really bad one. No Metacritic rating. No ratings. No user reviews. No nothing. This game never existed. Same thing on GameFAQs. It never existed. This game literally came and went and that was it. And you go, whoa, crap. Because I was looking at it because we were struggling a little bit and I went to look to see if there was some comments on like, hey, this makes it easier. No, there was not a single thing on GameFAQs. I couldn't believe it. I've never seen a Metacritic with no user reviews. No one has nothing to say. I'm like, okay, they sold seven of these. Right. But don't worry, it's still worthless. So there you go. The funny portion of our show is now gone. So the final wrap-up is going to be, I don't know, if you really, really love puzzlers, or if you're a Geon Cube completionist, I guess get this one, but I wouldn't really recommend it. Yeah, I wouldn't either. You can get all these other games, all these other wacky puzzlers out there for the Wii or just get the munchies.