Episode 789:"No Tank You"

Kaneda's Pinball Podcast (Patreon feed)·podcast_episode·19m 23s·analyzed·Apr 5, 2023

Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.031

TL;DR

Kaneda trashes Galactic Tank Force for unprofessional launch, poor design, incomplete code, and lack of mechanical magic despite 2-3 year dev cycle.

Summary

Kaneda delivers an extended, scathing critique of American Pinball's Galactic Tank Force debut stream, condemning the company's unprofessional presentation (unprepped game setup), design flaws (center tank blocks fun shots), unfinished code, poor visual cohesion, and confusing original IP storytelling. He argues the game feels incomplete after 2-3 years of development, questions the value of Steve Bowen's role given scoring inconsistencies, and predicts weak sales momentum compared to competing spring releases like Stern's Foo Fighters.

Key Claims

Galactic Tank Force was shown for the first official time on stream with the company admitting they had just attached the legs and didn't know the game's condition before going live
high confidence · Kaneda observed this directly on the April 2023 stream and describes it as unprofessional conduct from American Pinball
The center tank in Galactic Tank Force is a design flaw that blocks the playfield and discourages shooting because it sends balls straight down the middle with poor rewards
high confidence · Kaneda analyzed the actual stream gameplay and noted top-tier players like Steve Bowen and Jack Danger were actively avoiding the center tank
The game's LCD screen uses six different fonts and inconsistent animations, with the tank animation changing form multiple times without cohesion
high confidence · Kaneda observed this during the stream broadcast of Galactic Tank Force
Stand-up target issues in Galactic Tank Force required fixes from Zofia Ryan after the game's debut, suggesting inadequate playtesting despite 2-3 years of development
high confidence · Kaneda references Zofia Ryan having to fix target issues post-launch and questions why this wasn't caught during development
American Pinball licensed Legends of Valhalla from Riot Pinball rather than developing it in-house, adding to the company's track record of design failures
high confidence · Kaneda states this as fact, noting American Pinball has been focused on Galactic Tank Force while licensing other titles
Jack Danger (Stern designer) streaming Galactic Tank Force during its major sales window could be cannibalizing sales from Stern's Foo Fighters, which sold out at record pace
medium confidence · Kaneda speculates that potential buyers choosing between $11k Foo Fighters and $11k Galactic Tank Force are in direct competition, making Jack's participation ethically questionable
Dennis Nordman had full creative control over Galactic Tank Force's design and the game was made to Nordman's personal preferences rather than market expectations
high confidence · Kaneda notes on stream commentary that 'This is what Dennis Nordman wanted' and argues the final product reflects Nordman's vision over broader commercial appeal

Notable Quotes

“Why is it that after three years, that is how a pinball company thinks is a professional way to showcase their product for the first official time?”
Kaneda @ early — Sets the tone for the entire critique—professionalism and respect for customers as the baseline expectation for a premium product launch
“They made what Dennis Nordman wanted to make for Dennis Nordman. But it is no longer Dennis Nordman's game. Now they want it to be our game. Now they want our money.”
Kaneda @ mid — Core critique: American Pinball designed the game to Nordman's personal vision without market-testing appeal to the broader buying community
“When you have to explain to people why your game is fun, that is a clear indication to me that it is not fun.”
Kaneda @ mid — Establishes a design philosophy benchmark: truly fun games should be self-evident and intuitive, not require designer apologies or explanations
“A fun pinball machine should not need an explanation of why it's fun. It's just fun the moment you turn it on.”
Kaneda @ mid — Reiterates the expectation for accessible, intuitive game design that appeals to casual and expert players alike
“Galactic Tank Force. The most confusing pinball machine I think I've ever seen since I've been covering pinball machines.”
Kaneda @ late — Emphatic summary statement after years of industry coverage; unusual level of criticism from a media figure
“I bet George Gomez was super happy to lend American Pinball Jack Danger to stream this game because all that stream is going to do is sell more Foo Fighters.”
Kaneda @ late — Speculative but revealing commentary on inter-manufacturer dynamics and how competitor weakness can benefit market leaders like Stern
“There is no room for you to get it wrong because if you get it wrong, what are you going to do now?”
Kaneda @ late — Articulates the structural vulnerability of smaller manufacturers in a market where product cycles are slower and recovery is harder than for Stern

Entities

Kanedaperson American Pinballcompany Galactic Tank Forcegame Dennis NordmanpersonSteve BowenpersonJack DangerpersonZofia Ryanperson

Signals

?
product_concern: American Pinball streamed Galactic Tank Force's debut without basic prep—game legs just attached, condition unknown, glass removed multiple times during broadcast, unprofessional presentation for a $8.5k-$17.5k product launch
high · Kaneda observed the live stream and described the lack of preparation as disrespectful to customers and community
?
product_concern: Center tank on Galactic Tank Force blocks playfield center (traditionally high-value real estate in pinball design), lacks reward, sends balls down middle, forcing expert players to actively avoid it
high · Kaneda noted Steve Bowen and Jack Danger avoiding center tank throughout stream; contrasts with George Gomez principle that center should have a fun, shootable element
?
product_concern: Galactic Tank Force exhibits unfinished, unbalanced code with visual inconsistencies: 6 different fonts on LCD screen, tank animations don't align with each other or playfield tank, modes lack cohesion
high · Kaneda observed LCD screen during stream; notes game feels 'unfinished' and 'unpolished' despite 2-3 years development
?
product_concern: Stand-up target bending issues require post-launch fixes from Zofia Ryan; airball issues also noted, suggesting inadequate playtesting over multi-year development cycle
high · Kaneda references fixes being announced after launch and questions why 2-3 years of development didn't catch these mechanical failures
?
design_philosophy: Dennis Nordman designed Galactic Tank Force to his personal specifications (challenging, unconventional, wacky) rather than market expectations; game requires explanation of why it's fun rather than being intuitively fun

Topics

Product Launch Quality & ProfessionalismprimaryGame Design Philosophy & Mechanical FundamentalsprimaryGalactic Tank Force Development & ExecutionprimaryAmerican Pinball's Track Record & Creative VisionprimaryDesigner Intent vs. Market ExpectationsprimaryCode Quality, Balancing & Post-Launch FixessecondaryCompetitive Dynamics: Stern vs. Boutique ManufacturerssecondaryIndustry Pundit Role & Conflict of Interest Perceptionsecondary

Sentiment

negative(-0.92)— Kaneda's critique is sustained, detailed, and extensively negative across nearly all dimensions: professionalism, design, code quality, visual cohesion, storytelling, market positioning, and company leadership. He reserves some respect for Dennis Nordman's previous work (Elvira) but is unsparing in his assessment of Galactic Tank Force's execution. The tone is exasperated and disappointed rather than angry; he frames the critique as holding the company accountable rather than personal animus.

Transcript

groq_whisper · $0.058

Don't you forget about me. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't you forget about me. All right. I don't know why it's so hard. Let me articulate it like this. You work on a game for three years, right? You bring in new engineers, new coders, new artists, new designer. You've got Dennis Nordman's Galactic Tank Force game, right? Two to three years in the making. And then when you finally show the game to the world in your first official stream ever, right? Where you're asking people to spend their hard-earned money anywhere from like $8,500 all the way up to $17,500 for your product, right? This is the moment where your company is showcasing your hard work to get that hard working money from people. And when you stream the game for the first official time, you announced to everybody on the camera itself that you literally just threw the legs on the game, didn't even know what the level was of the game, and you just turned it on and started playing. Why is it that after three years, that is how a pinball company thinks is a professional way to showcase their product for the first official time? At what point are we going to start calling these companies out for some of the most unprofessional and juvenile behavior, especially when they want us to write checks for this much money? And then they come at Kaneda and they say, Kaneda's got an agenda. Kaneda's negative. No, Kaneda is simply responding to the way you showcased your game. And you know what it says to me? It says that these companies are very cavalier. They're very smug. They have no respect for us as a community. If you want to respect the pinball community and you want to ask for people's hardworking money do you think they should have taken a couple hours before the stream went live to be there before they hit live on twitch to set the game up properly to make sure the game is playing right to make sure there's no like hang-ups on the freaking lock mechanism of the game i mean they had to remove the glass multiple times on the stream and this has been a game that's been in development for two to three years so am i not allowed to ask the following questions if you've been designing this game for two to three years why does Zofia Ryan now have to make a fix for the stand-up target issues in the game did nobody actually play this game did you not play test this game for the last year and a half as it was in development did nobody notice that the targets were bending back did nobody notice air balls and all of a sudden you bring out the game and you sell it to us for this much money and you think we are happy and you think it's something that you can announce in a cavalier fashion that you are now working on a fix let me tell you right now after two to three years of making galactic tank force american pinball what the heck have you been working on other than this game like you basically license legends of valhalla that was already made by riot pinball. So there is absolutely zero excuses. Since you've been focusing on just this one game for two years, there are no excuses why this game is coming out with these sort of bugs in the game on day one. There's no excuses on why the code is still so unfinished, why the code is not balanced properly, why when we watch the code of the game and the animations of the game, there's like six different fonts on this screen and none of the animations go together. Have you noticed this game when you watch the screen it is all of these different animations like the tank changes form multiple times. There's no reason why this game in freaking April of 2023 and they've been working on this game since 2021. There's no reason why this game feels so unfinished. It feels unpolished and it feels just like a mess. And that is my takeaway after watching this stream last night. I felt like they really didn't even care about their own product. Okay. And look, this is all on them This is their baby This is the thing they want to sell to us This is the thing they want to spend a lot of money on and they should have more respect about the product they worked on and I don't like it I mean is I don't like it when all these companies just try to fall back on all it's just been all it's fun it's a quirky device that might have issues on day one and no for these prices when you are focused on a game development for two to three years You shouldn't be releasing it with these issues. And you shouldn't be releasing it with incomplete code or balancing issues. You have Steven Bowden working over there. And, you know, I'm just going to say this right now. I'm so tired of all the hype around Steven Bowden. If he's so good at his job, then why is there so much scoring inconsistency in this game itself? Isn't that the whole reason you have Steven Bowden and you have Ferret over there? Because they understand how to balance out the scoring. And if you were watching the stream last night, this is the craziest part about this whole design layout by Dennis Nordman. I'm going to talk about that right now. What does George Gomez always say? He says the fundamentals of a fun pinball machine, there needs to be three things that you shoot that are really fun. And one of the greatest things and one of the easiest ways to make a pinball design fun for everybody that walks up to the machine is simply this. there's usually something you shoot up the middle of the game that is really fun to shoot at. And if you watch the stream last night, all they did, these incredible players that were draining left and right, we're going to talk about the difficulty, but all they did all night long was avoid shooting up the middle at that center tank. And it begs the question, why did they put a stationary large tank object that doesn't really do anything? Why did they block the entire center of the play field with this freaking tank that everyone's trying to avoid because it's such a risky shot? It sends balls straight down the middle and it doesn't even give you a lot of points. So then you end up shooting at just like four other shots in the game and that's it over and over and over again. You're going to keep ripping those spinners and those orbits and you're going to try to avoid the tank until you get to multiball over and over and over again. And then I'm watching the stream and you've got some of the best pinball players in the world and these guys are draining left and right. The game is freaking brutal. And I was reading Ferret's comment on Pinside and he basically said, we wanted to make a really challenging and tough game that's going to kick your butt because that's what makes pinball fun. I mean, I'm paraphrasing a little bit, but I just have to disagree with him on that. If you're going to make an original IP game where you've got this crazy wacky storyline that I don't even know how you get into it, because when you plunge this ball on ball number one, you don't get any of that storyline. Like you just see this tank roaming over this like red moon surface area. There's no conversation coming at you from the game itself about what you're trying to do. Am I a tank operator? What about the ice cream? What is the point of this game? You can't have an original IP storyline like this and not better communicate to the player what's happening when they turn your game on for the first time. It's just not coming through. And then you've got this dubstep music, and then every time it goes from that tank with the dubstep to another screen with the mode or animations, everything is all over the place. Nothing is cohesive whatsoever. It is like they worked on all these separate elements. They put them all together and it's an absolute mess. I mean, look at how cohesive Foo Fighters is. Look at how cohesive Godfather is. When you look up at a pinball screen, it should not be so jarringly different every time something else is happening in the game. And I'm just going to say this, the pieces don't fit together. And I don't even know if American Pinball knows what the heck they're trying to get through as they try to communicate what this game is all about with the pinball community. And I mean it. And so I'm watching these really good players, Steven Bowden, Jack Danger, and they're just draining over and over and over again. And the game is literally kicking their asses. And I'm thinking to myself, how is this fun? Why did you record all of this full motion video if no one's gonna get a chance to see most of it? Because they're gonna walk up to this game and they're just gonna get brutalized by the design of the game. And they said this, they said, This is what Dennis Nordman wanted. And then it all makes sense. And I mean it when I say it. They made what Dennis Nordman wanted to make for Dennis Nordman. But it is no longer Dennis Nordman's game. Now they want it to be our game. Now they want our money to put it into our homes into our arcades and barcades Now it needs to be something we want not something Dennis Nordman wants And I think they executed making the game Dennis wants for himself but I just here to tell you I seen a lot of pinball games I've seen a lot of pinball launches, and I just don't know what the heck to think of this game. And it's not in a good way. And when they're telling us, and I was reading Farad's comments about all the things they did to make the game fun, and this is what Dennis wanted to be fun, he didn't want it to be easy, he didn't want it to be chopping wood, He didn't want it to be a normal storyline, all this stuff. And I'm just here to tell you right now, when you have to explain to people why your game is fun, that is a clear indication to me that it is not fun. A fun pinball machine should not need an explanation of why it's fun. It's just fun the moment you turn it on. It's just fun because when you start to flip it, it comes at you in the right way. It's just fun because the layout is fun to shoot. It's just fun because the moments of the game are coming at you and they're making you smile. And I think this game is the complete opposite of that. I think this game requires a tutorial for them to stand over your shoulder and explain to you why you're in a tank fighting tanks to save ice cream in the galaxy. None of it makes any sense. Christopher Franchi's art package and his marketing around this game makes no sense because that doesn't connect to the game itself. None of it seems to be cohesive. It is like they had four or five different people creating four or five different things. They put it all together like an ice cream sundae. And now this is what we have. Galactic Tank Force. The most confusing pinball machine I think I've ever seen since I've been covering pinball machines. I mean, name me another game where the storyline is really this confusing. The only other one that I can think of is dialed in, but at least dialed in like talks to you more and comes at you more and has a more cohesive LCD screen and storyline experience. But just look at this thing. Look at this thing. Why is there a red tank coming at me? And you also notice this, that the red tank coming at you on the screen doesn't look anything like the red tank that is on the play field itself. And I'm confused, right? Are those supposed to be the same tanks? And then when they go to different cut scenes on the code, you see the tank looks more like the cabinet tank, which looks nothing like the tank that's on the play field or the tank that's on the screen. It all is so confusing. And then I said it and I'll say it again. This is simply a game for someone that wants this kind of wacky and weird pinball machine. And it's definitely not going to be a game that shoots like a stern. It's definitely not going to be a game that has the Baldy Williams mechanical magic. It's definitely not going to be a game that has the deep sort of rule sets, sort of like Godfather and Jersey Jack games. So yes, if you want to be different, and if you want something wacky and weird, by all means, don't let me stop you from buying Galactic Tank Force. But this game to me, and I mean it, when I saw Jack Danger streaming this game, and it is a little weird, right? Jack Danger, Stern designer, and Jack's a club member here, So he's listening to this. It's a little strange seeing him helping another company sell their game during their inaugural sales window. And I think Jack might want to rethink this a little bit. And here's my advice for Jack. And Jack, I love you, brother. I think Jack should wait a little bit for when a new game comes out. I think he should wait to stream it until after the major sales window of that game is happening. Especially right now because he's selling Foo Fighters, which sold out at record pace for Stern Pinball. And now he's basically helping to sell a competitor's game. It's just that way. I mean, there might be people out there that are either going to spend $11,000 on Foo Fighters Premium or $11,000 on a freaking Galactic Tank Force. And so there's no way around this. Like, these two games are competing. But Jack did do a good job and just let the American pinball people have more of the limelight, do more of the talking. And that's where it's at. So we finally got the official stream. They got the banner wrong. They said it was going to take place Tuesday, April 3rd. Tuesday was April 4th. All of this matters because these details do matter. They spent this long making the game, and I still think the game feels a bit incomplete. And am I wrong? Let me know at canadapinball at gmail.com. Do you think I have an agenda against American Pinball? I'm going to tell you right now, I do not. I was expecting big things from this game. I mean, Dennis Nordman's last game, Elvira, people love. Look how much fun people have shooting Elvira. Elvira, to me, was executed perfectly. And now this game his follow game his next game just feels like a mess And I said it last night on my Facebook Live and I mean it when I say it Dennis Nordman has been trying to make this game for like a decade and there a reason why it hasn't been made. And I think American Pinball has been duped multiple times by designers, and I don't think they have a creative vision for this company. They got duped by John Papadiuk, right? They made his Magic Girl. They let John Papadiuk sit in the back of that company for two years making his Magic Girls and they didn't even work when they released them. Then they brought on Joel Balser to try to salvage John Papadiuk's Houdini. They didn't even do a Whitewood of the game and the shots were horribly tight. Then they made Oktoberfest and it was like one of the ugliest looking games of all time and it recycled some of the mechs from Houdini. And then they did Hot Wheels where they couldn't even get in a loop-de-loop or a car wash or a jump. It is the most barren game ever. and then they licensed Legends of Valhalla, and now this. I mean, come on, how many games does American Pinball get before they're just going to give us a game that just understands what the pinball buying community wants? And this is what happens when you don't have a George Gomez over at your company. I was making the joke last night. I bet George Gomez was super happy to lend American Pinball Jack Danger to stream this game because all that stream is going to do is sell more Foo Fighters, is sell more Stern Machines. And he's like, absolutely, Jack, you can stream this game all you want. Show the rest of the world what they're going to get when they don't buy a Stern Machine. And look, maybe I'm being a little harsh, a little strident, but after two to three years and Dennis Nordman having full free reign to make his game, I'm just not seeing the mechanical magic. I'm not seeing the gameplay that looks that much fun I don't like the musical score the dubstep makes no sense I don't understand why the trans light looks like a 1950s sci-fi movie and this game feels nothing like a 1950s sci-fi movie and the thing that doesn't even annoy me is the full motion video because you barely see any of it because the game is so brutal you see the same stuff over and over and over again and here we have it people I think the game that came out last is actually going to finish last when it comes to which machines people are going to buy this spring and summer. And you know what I want to see now from American Pinball? I want to see Ryan McQuaid's game because I do feel Ryan's a little smug. I mean, I saw him at TPF, designer of Sonic Spinball. Okay, bro, you're not making Sonic Spinball. So what are you designing? And if it's another original game like this and the next game, a Whitewater sequel, see, this is the thing about pinball now people if you come out with a game and it doesn't have consistent sales for the next six to eight months these medium-sized to boutique companies are kind of screwed like they need to make sure they can sell this game for a few months and after seeing what we saw last night i don't think this thing's gonna have a lot of hype and a lot of sales over the next few months and it's gonna be pretty brutal and that is why if you are focused on one game and one game only you need to get it right. There is no room for you to get it wrong because if you get it wrong, what are you going to do now? You're going to go rerun more Hot Wheels and more Houdini's? That's not going to work. The only company that can get it wrong is Stern Pinball because then they'll have a new game in three months or they could just vault an old game and they'll be absolutely fine. And Stern is still backlogged by probably thousands of games. Everybody, thank you for being a member of the I want to hear from you. Email me if you think my assessment of Galactic Tank Force is too harsh. I can't wait to read Pinside and Iceman. I know you're listening. You're buying one. You're going to be the biggest apologist. But email me at canadapinball at gmail.com and tell me what you think of Galactic Tank Force. And I haven't done this in a while, but on my next show, it'll probably be Friday, I'm going to read some of your feedback about this game, about the stream. So tell me if you love it. Tell me if you hate it. Tell me if you don't care. Just tell me what you feel about this game. And we're going to take some time away from the show to read your commentary. Everybody have a great day. Kaneda out. La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la La la la la When you walk on by And you come running