You got the biggest company in pinball. You got the biggest theme in pinball. Stern and Star Wars. were they going to be able to blow us away to release something that would wow us would they be able to justify a $13,000 le was this going to be john borg's masterpiece or was it going to be just another stern how could they not put their greatest designer in all of pinball in Keith Elwin and jack danger both of them are equally amazing how could they not give star wars to those guys. We get a two flipper game, eight shots, one after another. We get an ad at that is the size of my pinky. And this is the biggest pinball company making the biggest theme in history. And I'm just here to tell you right now, I have never in my 12 years of reviewing pinball machine launches, I have never been so underwhelmed as I was yesterday. And I'm just going to be fully candid on this episode. I think Stern Pinball needs a hard reset. Everything about what this game is to me is like telegraphing that Stern Pinball has sort of lost the narrative. They've lost the mission, right? If this is like, if this is the rebels trying to defeat the empire, I mean, I hate to say this, but ironically, this game is labeled appropriately for Stern Pinball, the fall of the empire. This is what a company that has become as big as Stern, that has as much ability to send thousands of pinball machines out in the world in just a few months. This is what it looks like when your empire has lost creativity. When you design an AT-AT mechanism. In the movie, you are harpooning around its legs, and that is what causes the AT-AT to fall down. Stern Pinball has you looping the ball over the AT-AT, over it, like literally over it. And you're telling me this is the best you could come up with? And then the AT-AT is super tiny? I mean, I like the way it falls down, but the scale is horrible. It should have been huge. it should have been really big it should have walked a little bit it should be firing the cannons from its head nothing these tiny little tinker toys and worse than that they used shooter rod handles from the old star wars game the vader one and the freaking stormtrooper heads and they just dropped them they just dropped them on each side of the game it looks terrible oh my gosh when I saw that I was like this is cake toppers 2.0 cake toppers 2.0 and you know why those pop bumpers are on the side of the game you know why they really put them there not because they thought that would be a fun gameplay element I heard this game like you could go on for hours and it never drained so they had to put them there to create some drains and then you got Yoda looking at you the whole time creeping you out I just think everything about this game when I watch it and I just watched an hour of all the different gameplay footages that are out there on the internet. So thank you to all the media guys who went over there and wasted your money because you seriously wasted your money to go there to see that game. I have never been so unexcited watching gameplay, watching clips, watching what I love. And look, it's still jumping all over the place. It's weird to me. And I know Stern does this with movie clips, but it's just lacking style. It's lacking taste. You know, you got this bigger screen and I was just looking at this. I couldn't believe this because I was like, wait a minute. I don't remember when you watch the opening crawl to each movie, you know, when the text is sort of slowly fading into space. I don't remember the text ever being cut off. And so I'm looking at the Stern crawl. You've got this bigger screen in Spike 3, a bigger screen for the first time ever. and I'm looking at it and the text is cut off on the words as it's starting to crawl into the background. And I was like, wait, was it always like that in the movie theater? I don't remember it being like that. And then I went and watched the movie clip, the actual crawl from the movie, and it's not cut off. And this is it, man. This is it for me. I'm just saying this right now. I'm really upset. Stern pinball just doesn't get it. Like they literally don't get it anymore. Nobody saw that and said, hey, on the crawl, we're cutting off the text. And that's going to be really noticeable to all the people that remember this as the iconic opening to the movie. And it's just weird to me. And the other part that's really weird is it doesn't say a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, which is the most iconic way to start the game. Anyway I watched a lot of gameplay and the gameplay itself seems like a total snooze fest How do you go from Keith Elwin How do you go from Jack Danger to this And it's just got like nothing interesting in it. Like nothing. I kept watching the Megs, the Rams, the Death Star, Jabba, the ball save from GoldenEye. Like recycled ideas. Recycle, recycle, recycle. I just feel when I look at this game, the whole thing looks like it was designed in a weekend. It looks like it was designed in a weekend. It looks like I could have designed this game. And that's a bad thing for me to ever say. If I ever see a pinball machine and say, it looks like I could have done that. Yeah, we're in a bad place. I got a bad feeling about this. And after an hour of watching all the clips, seeing the media people's footage, it's never been easier to tell Melissa over at Cointaker, I'm out. I'm out. I'm not buying a $13,000 LE. And let's talk about the LE. It is blue and it's Empire Strikes Back. The artwork on the cabinets. I just don't like it. I don't like anything about it. Like nothing excites me. And again, Stern Pinball has destroyed the very thing it created. The three-tier model system that always historically made you want the LE. I have not felt the desire to really want a Stern LE in about five years. They have absolutely destroyed it. And so when you destroy the LE being anything important to have, then everything else just feels like, why bother? And then, knowing they're going to make a 50th anniversary of this game, which will most likely have all of the Spike 3 upgrades, which will most likely be the one to get. Why? Why would you pop down $13,000 on an LE? I actually think the premium R package looks better than the LE. I'm just over this. Stern, you need a hard reset. Your CMO needs to do his job. You need to look at this stuff differently. This game just doesn't feel like this is the best Stern Pinball could do. It doesn't in any way, shape or form. Does this game actually excite you more than Ghostbusters? Does it excite you more than Tron? Does it excite you more than Godzilla? Does it excite you more than even Rush? It just feels like, eh, eh, you know, it's like a shoulder shrug moment. And you know, I'm here to tell you right now, exclusive to the world, ready for this? I don't think anyone else knows this. Stern Pinball, I'm confirming it, is making Transformers. Now that was a rumor, but here's what you don't know. I'm confirming for you that the designer on Transformers, which might come out before Pokemon because they're having some issues with Pokemon licensing. Transformers will be designed not by Keith Elwin, not by Jack Danger, not by George Gomez, not by Brian Eddy, not by John Borg. You're like, well, who? They're giving Transformers to Elliot Elliot Eismin, the dude that did John Wick. All right. So again, Stern Pinball lost the narrative. Transformers should have been given to Keith Elwin. You're going to give Fallout to Keith Elwin and not Transformers. It's funny to me watching what is really the fall of the pinball empire. I mean, this is it. They are making it so easy not to buy their product. Does anything about this game make you feel like I have to own this. I have to own this game. And I'm a huge Star Wars fan. And I don't think I ever, ever thought I'd be watching the hobby I love, pinball, and a theme I love. Think about that. You're putting two things together that I absolutely love, Star Wars and pinball. And then I'm watching all of the footage and I don't think I could be more unimpressed, unexcited than I was yesterday and this morning. and I have zero regrets about not even wanting one. I will play it on location. This game is an operator's dream. It's an operator's dream. Nothing's gonna break. Nothing's really in it. And it's Star Wars and it's gonna pull people in. But owning one, no one's gonna feel like, wow, you got one, you got an LE. Nobody cares. I was talking to distributors. The phones are not ringing off the hook to get one. This game is gonna be here today. gone tomorrow in terms of community excitement. It's also, it's not exciting. Eight shots, two flippers. They're not even like creative. Like the fact that they put a pinball where the Magna save is really, why do you have to put a pinball there? The whole point of like using the force and Yoda, like magically saving your ball, it should feel like magic. But when you put a pinball there, you ruin the magic. You telegraph what's going to happen. What's wrong with you people. Stern, seriously, you know my number. Hire me. Hire me. I've never asked anybody to hire me like this. You need help. Is nobody walking around these games being like, really? Really? The ad ad's going to be that big? That looks kind of small, guys. I got to tell you, in the movies, it's ginormous. Are we really going to recycle all these ideas? Are we going to recycle shooter rods in a product Are we going to in our Spike 3 system the best we can do on our new platform is recycle the expression lighting We're not gonna innovate the way the lighting can be in our games. That is lazy. I think that's gonna change in the next version of Spike 3. And even when they were releasing this game, they were talking how all this more exciting stuff is about to come with Spike 3. Thank you. Thank you for making it easier not to buy this game. You just told me you're going to make better improvements to the platform. And now you're also asking me to invest in this version of the halfway version of the platform. What a terrible marketing idea. Again, CMO, chief marketing officer. If we are coming out with Star Wars and we're coming out with our new platform and spooky pinball is looking that good and Harry Potter is looking amazing. We cannot go to market with something that doesn't showcase the greatest potential of our organization. That is the brief. That is the brief on day one. When we know we have Star Wars, we are giving it to you, Keith. It is yours. You are getting the biggest theme. You are going to get everything, all the horsepower, all the ammunition that we have in Spike 3 is going to you. And we need you to crush it. How is that not the brief for Star Wars? No, go make King Kong. Go make illustrated King Kong. Don't use the iconic movie posters. Go animate it. Go make an unexciting King Kong game. This is Stern Pinball. We are in trouble, people. The empire is falling. It is weak. And it's fun because now all of us, think about it, all of us are the rebels. We are the rebels. We are rebelling against Stern Pinball charging this much for this kind of product. And when I looked at these games yesterday, it's the first thing I said to all of my friends. This looks like a really fun $8,000 LE. It's an embarrassment. They think this is $13,000. No, I'm not buying one. No, I can't flip one. Is that the reason why I'm not buying one? Maybe. I wanted to own the game. I don't even want to own the game. I will go to Automated Amusements. I will play it on location. I'm sure it's fun and fine, but it's not worth owning. And the 50th is going to be an improvement over everything. Easy pass. Easy way on September 13th to hang on to $13,000. Isn't that amazing? It is September 13th and we can all save $13,000. Beetlejuice is going to destroy this. Raza. I've seen the new Raza. It's way more exciting than this. This just feels like another stern. And that is becoming the punchline of that company. and they need to wake up. They need to wake up. And I don't think they're going to wake up. Steven Bowden, what are they doing? Why is Steven Bowden invited to Stern Pimple? I'll tell you why. Because he's buddies with Zach Sharp. But is that the visual you want? I'm watching this video of John Borg playing and Steven Bowden there just like moving around. I'm like, it's just so weird to me. Everything matters. How you launch a game matters. Who you invite. You know, they invited all the shills. I was looking at all the people at the media day. You won't recognize any of them. They are not pinball media. These are just shills that are invited by Stern who have YouTube followings. And none of these people, none of these people built their followings with pinball. It's all ancillary to pinball. Arcade one-up people, gaming people, but they're not pinheads. They don't want people like you and me to give honest reviews and honest opinions about these games. To me, it's real simple. Don't run after this game, New Inbox. This game is easily going to go down in value. It is not going to be hard to find an LE. Having an LE is not going to mean anything. The Pro looks like the way to go. You're not losing that much. And again, it's not even the full Spike 3 system. They're going to follow this up with The Walking Dead. It's just so funny to me watching Stern Pinball, watching this empire fall. Everybody, look, we're at a new period in pinball. You either come out with something that makes you go, wow. Like Harry Potter wowed people. Sonic the Hedgehog is going to wow people. We know that Beetlejuice is going to wow us. They're going to sell 999 in nine minutes. You're going to be wowed by Raza. there's not that many of them. Those are going to sell out instantly. You're not going to care about Big Bang Bar. You're not caring about Predator. You know, Medieval Madness, the new Merlin editions are going out. Okay, cool. Looks great. Seen that game 18 times. Don't care anymore. You got to wow us. What Stern forgets is that people that love Stern, they have great Stern machines. They know what Stern is capable of. And every new Stern launch needs to feel like This is everything we know so far about pinball and it needs to be an improvement. And there's nothing about this game that feels like it justifies the cost. There's nothing about this game that feels ultra creative. There nothing about this game that says hey in 2025 this is the best pinball in the whole universe It not Stern Pinball now is not making the best pinball anymore They looking dated They looking recycled And they need a reset. And that is why they need Kaneda as the CFO. Let's get it done, people. Let's get it done. I want to say it's been a really rough week for a lot of us. A lot has happened in the world. A man was assassinated in front of his wife and children. I mean, you had to think about that for a minute. A man is sitting there just having a dialogue with college students and has his neck blown off in front of his wife and two children who are the same age as my two children, four year old and a one year old with their mother. And I just want to say this. I don't care what side you're on. And I had people saying insensitive things about 9-11 from this community about 9-11. Glenn, whatever his name is, blocked. you mix the lack of creativity in Star Wars with all the personal stuff stuff happening in the world that's been very tragic and it makes it even easier to put everything this week especially this week you put everything in perspective and you think about it what are we doing here what are we doing here where should my efforts be applied where should my thoughts and feelings go and you know as I see people cheering the assassination of a father cheering for the assassination of a man, a beautiful young girl from Ukraine stabbed to death on a train, 9-11. We're all in need of a reset of humanity in a lot of ways. And I just want to say, as I close out this podcast about pinball, life is also happening around us. The world is happening around us. And I think a lot of us are starting to put all of this in a different perspective. And look, Pinball is the escape. It's always that. It's always been that for us. And we don't get political and we don't indict people. And I respect all people, but we're also people. And this is not a week where I want to buy anything. This is not a week where I would have released anything. And I'm going to say this. Another job of the chief marketing officer is reading the room. They were originally going to reveal the game on September 11th. And then out of respect for 9-11, they moved it to Friday. But in the end, in the end, after everything that happened this week, all of the horrific stuff going on, I would have held it. I would have held it. I would have said, you know, it's not the right week. I would have pivoted. I would have held it. I wouldn't even have put out the teaser so soon. But I just want to say, everybody, look, life is very short. We have a very finite amount of time. And I'm going to tell each and every one of you, do me a favor. If you haven't done this in your life, and I mean this, and I love each and every one of you, and I want you to have a better life. your life will never be better if you buy Star Wars pinball what will make your life better and if you haven't done this before and to me it's the only culture that really reset its humanity and I mean this and we need it and unfortunately I'm starting to think like the world is never going to reset itself the right way unless the bomb is dropped again and the only country that really reset and put the community first instead of the individual is Japan. Now, do me a favor. Take the money that you are going to use to buy any pinball machine and go to Japan. If you've never been, go. Bring your family, bring your kids, go. Spend 10 days, split it between Kyoto and Tokyo and really just enjoy what will be the greatest trip of your life, the greatest food of your life, the greatest city of your life, the cleanest city of your life, the best subway of your life, the best trains of your life, the best bite of steak in your life. Go to Japan. You know, when I think about $13,000 and how that money could alter your life, and then I think about this is what they think is worth 13 grand. Easy pass, everybody. Look, I'm thinking about each and every one of you today, not as pinheads, but as people. It's been a really rough week and we really need each other and we need a reset. We need a reset. Stern Pitbull needs a reset. Society needs a reset. And it's not going to happen if we just keep putting our head in the sand and buying products like these where the creativity is not there. The wow factor is not there and I don't care what anybody says. This is not, this is not what Star Wars pinball should be in 2025. Kaneda out. We will be doing our Saturday morning spectacular in an hour and a half. Take it away, Sabrina Carpenter, who by the way is so stunning. I keep telling Brenda, if this marriage ends, it's going to be if Sabrina Carpenter propositions me. Peace out. But my life, won't you let it end soon and be My life, my life, my life And I'm like a man, I don't think I'm dead But you make me feel, feel, feel