[Music] Select your film dead or evil dead. For God's sake, don't worry. I'll teach you everything I know about dead eyee killing. And that's a lot. Hit the groovy lever. You can't do anything right. [Music] Look, it uh it changes you. I give you a nasty look and you've already got one. Welcome to deadeyed killing 101 with your instructor. You missed the target. [Music]
Get your ass back here, buddy. Come on, weasel. You know the shotgun is not going to load itself. We got to get to the basement. Time to blow them away. Join us. Good. Bad. Nah, I'm just bad. Uh, I'm sorry. I thought I was dealing with an adult here. Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the cabin. Oops. [Music] Aim. Hey, watch where you point that thing. Boomstick jackpot. [Music] Bash those shells, baby. [Music] Hey, can you say jackpot? I can. Jackpot. Looks like I was rode hard and put away wet. Come on. Bash those shells, baby. Bash those shells, baby. [Music] Reload. Double trouble, baby. Hey, those three white necklace shots, that's the ticket, baby. Ask your doctor if possessed cabins are right for you. Bash those shells, baby. Know what to do. Load more shells and slap the action button. Feeling good. Just need those three necklace shots. Anybody know if there's an ointment for this? I still look good. Uh, more or less. Sort of. Reload and load and unlock. Hey, white necklace shots. Hurry up before I turn evil again. We don't want that. Well, I'm not the good or the bad, but I'm definitely getting the ugly. [Music] Three necklace shots on the right. See those? Get them. The reload. You are before you. Uh, anybody know if they make a cream for this type of affliction? [Music] Right. Smash the necklace shots. All one fluff. Buddy, I look like something a cat threw up. Get the three necklace shots and hurry. Looks like I just got stood up at the prom. All right, smash the necklace shots. Let's just keep this little episode between us. Okay. mess with that boy. [Music] Oh, come on. That's enough. Ash, hurry. You're not dead yet. I don't think things are going to work out between us. Keep doing that, Ashley. Hurry, Ash. Well, there's still time. Ash, hurry. [Music] Keep your hands on the flippers. It ain't over. You got 10 seconds left. Get after it. Hurry, Ash. Well, there's still time. Ball two locked. Once you're in, you know there's no getting back out. [Applause] Good, man. Nah, you're just bad. [Music] Hey, new guy. Stay out of the woods. You'll know what that means. Better luck next time. You mean something more light-hearted, like true crime? That's going to be a closed casket funeral. Welcome to the cabin in the woods, jerks. You're supposed to hit the flashing shots. I said stop touching it. Load more shells. I want to introduce you to Mr. Boomstick. Join us. [Music]
Let's give him a taste of the 19th century. Start a mode. I feel like shooting something. [Music] Let me call you right back. You're supposed to hit those flashing shots. There's more shells in the basement. Let's go. I feel the need for bleeding. Come on. What the hell? There's no mercy on this one. [Music]
You missed your shot. You missed your shot. Load those shells, baby. [Music] [Applause] [Music] you start a mode, please? I feel like shooting something. [Music]
Talk to me, Ash. less working out. I think we should communicate less. You don't have much time, Ash. [Music]
Okay, Linda, try not to do anything crazy. Uh, forget it. [Music]
Ash, hurry. Keep doing that, Ashley. Wow, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the cabin. Goodbye. Hurry, Ash. Well, there's still time. All three locked. [Music]
Ash, hurry. Shut it off. You don't have much time. Ash,
10 seconds left. [Applause] Keep doing that. Ashley one by one. We will take you. We are the things that were and shall be again. Can't sneak past me. Smiley. We want what is yours. Y
I guess all old married couples do charge whatever lead the other way to me. Get up that right ramp. Swallow this. You make a better door than a window. Move. Shoot the left ramp. Were you born this nasty or did you have to learn it in school? Really keeps the skin young. Believe it or not, you have time for a dirt map. And I ain't tucking you in. If you can get up that right ramp. Uh, you make a better door than a window. Were you born this nasty? Or did you learn boomstick [] Get up that right. Shoot the left ramp. All right. Knock him down and collect your jackpot. No, get ugly and uglier. You know, if ugly was a crime, you [] would get a life sentence. Big, dumb, and ugly. Don't worry, evil hands. I'll protect you from big bad ash. Dance with me, lover. Never took lessons. Not starting now. Your soul ain't swallowed yet. I don't think things are going to work out between us. Hurry, Ash. Well, there's still time. Keep doing that, Ashley. You don't have much time. Ash. Yes, that's it. Hurry, [Music]
Ah, this fight. Hit the flashing arrow. Here we go. It's time. Shoot for the flashing arrow. You and your friends are all
doomed, dead, screwed, [] What's it like to have no balls? Jack of diamonds. Jack of clubs. Well, pretty sure I'm the favorite kid now. Stay right there, sugar. You're not done yet. [Music] You can hit the sheriff targets. [Music] [Applause] [Music] Hello. 10 seconds left. Hit the Cheryl targets. [Music] Load those shells, baby. [Music] You use the target [Music] join us [Music] Take a deep breath. Ready. Aim. Jeez. Is there no patience? [Music] Come on. and bash those shells, baby. Oh, man. I'm really letting myself go. Never snack after 6:00 p.m. [Music] Smash those shells, baby. [Music] Reload. One by one, we'll take you. You really tied one on, didn't you, buddy? Three necklace shots. Blinking white. Go get him, Dagger. Jackpot, baby. Jackpot. You
I still look good. Uh, more or less. Sort of. Double barrel jackpot. I smash the necklace shut. Got to lock and load. Reload. Reload. If you ever wake up looking like this, go back to sleep. [Music] Get the three necklace shots and hurry. You and I before you. Uh, anybody know if they make a cream for this type of affliction? We are the things that were and shall be again. Oh, great. It's another one. All right, we're almost there. Get those necklace shots. [Music] If you think you'll look upset now, you'll see. Right. Smash the necklace shots. [Music] Smash the necklace shots. [Music]
If that's what it's like to join them, I got to say, you look better as a corpse. Half [Music] of them good. [Music] Join us. [Music] Shoot some ramps so we can get on with it here. Hey, come on. Be never. But I guess you do. We need those pages now. You get down there to that cellar. Don't make me I'll make you do it. [Music] Thought this place smelled bad up. Tally ho. Couldn't they have written something shorter? Hey, watch it, buddy. This is the closest [Music] Hey, hey, watch it, [] Don't hurt. Try again. You missed. [Music] Shoot the groovy targets. Assuming you can read. Uh 10 seconds left. You know, it must suck to have zero balls. [Music]
The target. [Music] We are the things that were and shall be again. Oh, look what the cat dragged in. Put all your balls in the cabin. That didn't sound right, but do it. [Music] Ball one blocked. One. [Music]
Now there's two of them. Knock left. [Music]
Look sharp. This is going to get ugly. [Music] Look, it's ugly and uglier. I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed. Really disappointed.