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Final Round Pinball Podcast: A Bowl Of Super Sponsors 2

Final Round Pinball Podcast·podcast_episode·26m 4s·analyzed·Feb 13, 2022
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Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.021

TL;DR

Satirical episode of fake sponsorships mocking pinball industry, pandemic culture, and absurdist comedy.

Summary

This is a satirical episode of Final Round Pinball Podcast entirely composed of fake sponsorships and comedic skits, presented as humorous parodies of real ads and pinball industry references. The hosts Jeff and Marty use absurdist humor to mock sponsorship culture, pandemic-era concerns (2020), and create running gags with invented products like 'Cheap-ass Toilet Paper,' 'Final Round Fanny Pack,' and fake game announcements. The episode includes a fake Joe Exotic pinball machine reveal attributed to Home Pin and jabs at Ken Cromwell of Jersey Jack Pinball.

Key Claims

  • Joe Exotic pinball machine is being released by Home Pin

    low confidence · This is presented as a satirical fake 'sponsor reveal' within a comedy episode full of fictional products. The entire segment is comedic parody, not a legitimate announcement.

  • Queen is the next game from Stern (not Avengers)

    low confidence · Presented as a joke 'blackmail-sponsored' fake announcement. The hosts claim to have discovered the 'truth' that Queen is coming from Stern, but this is clearly satirical comedy, not factual industry intel.

  • Ken Cromwell from Jersey Jack Pinball had to leave the pinball show due to bad singing

    low confidence · Presented as a fake testimonial/parody quote in a comedy segment. This is a joke cameo, not a serious statement about Ken Cromwell or JJP.

Notable Quotes

  • “There's a buzz in the air that everyone is talking about. Every generation comes a singer who captivates the world. Not since Beatlemania has there been this much hype in the music scene, and for all the wrong reasons.”

    Jeff (host) @ N/A — Satirical introduction to a fake 'Zack Attack' music album parody

  • “Hey, it's Ken Cromwell, Jersey Jack Pinball, and I had to leave the pinball show honestly because I couldn't take his singing anymore.”

    Ken Cromwell (quoted/cameo) @ N/A — Comedic fake testimonial; Ken Cromwell appears to have done a brief voiceover cameo for the skit

  • “The actual next game from Stern is not Avengers. We present to you: Queen.”

    Jeff (host) @ N/A — Satirical fake game announcement; part of the 'blackmail sponsor' joke

  • “This is Zach's wife. Please don't encourage him.”

    Unnamed voice (part of skit) @ N/A — Comedic response to the fake 'Zack Attack' music parody

  • “Each kit comes with a how-to video advanced demonstration by Ryan C.”

    Jeff (host) @ N/A — References Ryan C (co-host of Final Round) in the manscaping kit fake product

Entities

Final Round Pinball PodcastorganizationJeffpersonMartypersonRyan CpersonKen CromwellpersonJersey Jack PinballcompanyHome PincompanySterncompanyJoe Exoticproduct

Signals

  • ?

    content_signal: Episode is entirely constructed as satirical fake sponsorships and comedy skits; no serious pinball content discussed

    high · Entire episode structure consists of fictional products ('Cheap-ass Toilet Paper,' 'Final Round Fanny Pack,' 'Final Round ASMR') and fake game announcements

  • ?

    leak_detection: Fake announcements of Joe Exotic (Home Pin) and Queen (Stern) games are presented as comedy, not genuine product leaks

    high · Episode clearly branded as satirical sponsorship comedy; context is obviously humorous (blackmail joke, absurdist framing)

  • ?

    industry_signal: Ken Cromwell of Jersey Jack Pinball appears via voiceover cameo in the comedy segment

    medium · Ken Cromwell's name and JJP affiliation are cited in a joke testimonial: 'Hey, it's Ken Cromwell, Jersey Jack Pinball, and I had to leave the pinball show honestly because I couldn't take his singing anymore.'

  • ?

    community_signal: Episode relies heavily on pinball community inside jokes and personality references

    high · References to Keith Elwin, Josh Sharp, Ryan C, Walter Day trading cards, Ken Cromwell, and other industry figures woven throughout comedy skits

Transcript

groq_whisper · $0.078

0:00
The Pinball Network is online. Launching final round pinball podcast. It's player versus player and player versus machine. Welcome to the final round.
0:48
It's the biggest day in the NFL. Millions gather in front of their televisions for one reason, the commercials. I am proud to announce the first official car sponsor of the final round pinball podcast do you mean the 2020 Porsche Spyder the mid-engine plug-in hybrid sports car that's a firebrand a go-getter with its 414 horsepower the engine delivers more than its predecessors a car horn that gives the middle finger to public transit it's the car that says hey look I've got midlife crisis the 2020 poor spider the official car of the final round pinball podcast no compromises no regrets marty this sponsorship is at an all-time high every other email is a request just throwing money at us i can't keep track of them all there's only so much time in the day and nothing keeps better time than the rolex platinum diamond pearl master this limited edition watch has a dial made of 42 meteorite diamonds and a double quick set made of sapphire crystal when refinement meets technical excellence exemplifying a delicate balance of elegance and style discover the pearl master unrivaled prestige timeless style worldwide servicing you know what time it is time to get a better job or rob a bank because this watch is worth more than you the rolex platinum diamond pearl master the official watch of final round it's available for only $230,000, a mere week's pay for podcasters. Please use the code FINALROUND at checkout. Cha-ching.
2:27
We've only got two shows under our belt, and my goodness, our first two sponsors, we've heard back from them, right? Sales have gone through the roof. Well, I mean, that makes sense. I mean, once you get the final round Pinball Podcast seal of approval, you know the brand will be at an all-time high. And in fact, I'm sure our latest sponsor will be flying off the shelves. Well, in these trying times, Its basic needs have become hot commodities. A wealthy person used to hoard gold, silver, cash or bonds. Now there's a new currency, a new stock, and it's bigger than the height of Bitcoin. Cheap-ass toilet paper. Sure, it's only one ply and made from recycled highway pinball flyers, but at 50 cents a roll, these shit tickets go for 10 times as much on the brown market. There's no worse feeling than running out of pooper razors. Feel confident when Mother Nature calls and grab a handful of our wafer-thin TP. There are better bowel towels than cheap-ass toilet paper, but good luck finding them. Remember the days when you would only settle for Charmin or Cottonelle?
Queen
product
Avengers Infinity Questproduct
Keith Elwinperson
Travis Murrayperson
Josh Sharpperson
Walter Dayperson
The Pinball Networkorganization
Loser Kid Podcastorganization
Melbourne Silverballorganization
TPNorganization
3:24
You'll be begging for our bumwad. Cheap-ass toilet paper. We're behind you all the way. So Marty, usually at this time we highlight one of our many, many sponsor requests, but I don't know. Maybe it's not the best time to be selling out. I mean, people have other things on their mind right now. Yeah, you're right. Our listeners come to this podcast to escape reality and forget what's going on in the world. They just want to be entertained. Good point. We should definitely hold off on the sponsor this week, I think. I think that's the right thing to do. There's nothing I really feel like buying right now except the essentials, obviously. Let's skip the plug. Unless you're talking about the hottest trend in fashion. You don't need the Met Gala or the Fashion Awards to tell you what the look is that everyone will be talking about this spring. New for 2020, it's Hazmat by Gucci. Our perfect blend of plastic, fabric and rubber comes in a variety of bedazzling colors. Snowflake white, sunshine yellow and orange. Each suit is fitted with oxygen provided from Woody Harrelson's bar. Buy your hazmat now and receive a free accessory, a stay the fuck home t-shirt. Don't settle for knockoffs, trust only Gucci. Guess what? Another episode, another sponsor for us Marty. I know, it's so tough to choose which one will get the final round pinball podcast seal of approval. I think this week we've got one everyone needs right about now. We have our first pinball company sponsoring us, and they've chosen our podcast for the big reveal. Are you tired of the same old themes, 70s rock bands, old movies? How about something fresh and new? You thought Netflix could only give you stranger things, now they've done one better. It's the new Joe Exotic pinball machine I saw Tiger Enter the Tiger cage and collect rewards like expired meat pizzas Joe Exotic condoms and badly dyed mullets I'm not cutting my hair Lock balls in the Prince Albert ring to start multi-ball Where you can add a ball just like Doc Antle adds wives Complete modes up the ramp to earn letters And spell Big Cat Rescue to get to the wizard mode Find Carol Baskin's husband Search tiger shit, drain the river Travel to Costa Rica Or come to the realization Who the fuck would want to be married to her Hey all you cool cats and kittens It's Carol at Big Cat Rescue It's the new Joe Exotic Pinball Machine From Home Pin There's a buzz in the air That everyone is talking about Every generation comes a singer Who captivates the world Not since Beatlemania Has there been this much hype in the music scene and for all the wrong reasons. One plus one is two. That's the math I can do.
6:11
40X and I'm through. Help me. Because multipliers are poo. As a part of the Pinball Network, the Final Round Pinball Podcast must contractually inform you of the new album, Zack Attack and His Many Hits This album is a baseball pitcher wet dream no hits but that doesn stop zach blinded by dwight some call it abuse another flasher in your eyes here what the critics are saying about the music of zach many this is zach's wife please don't encourage him hey it's ken cromwell jersey jack pinball and i had to leave the pinball show honestly because i couldn't take his singing anymore. And listen to even more praise from his fans. I have to listen to this shit every week. Um, I think he happens to have the voice of an angel. I should know. All you haters can fuck off. Sack his bag, so kiss my sack. We've been golden, this pinball soundtrack. And I'm letting loose, I'm dropping deuce on all those pinball haters around. Courageous, annoying, tone deaf, and a darling to several pin side threads. you'll be flipping out to Zach Attack and his many hits. Available now. Warning. May cause nausea, diarrhea, vomit, dog howling, anal bleeding, genital warts and spontaneous combustion. It's the final round.
7:37
Before we go any further, it's time for our sponsor of the week. Jeff, are you looking for a getaway during these troubled times? I think we all could use an escape. I'm sure like many people, after six months, our better halves are getting a little sick of us. But Marty, we can't really travel right now. Well, have I got something for you. It's the new Final Round Dog House. But what if you don't have a dog? Doesn't matter. This dog house is perfect for those times when you slip up and put your foot in your mouth. Like you asked your wife, is she putting on a little weight? Or remember when your spouse asked you, who's that new friend of yours on Facebook? Oh, that's just my old high school sweetheart. The new Final Round Dog House is just the place for you. It comes complete with no shower, ticks and fleas, and a toilet with the seat permanently in the upright position. Plus, act now and we'll throw in no hope of redemption or forgiveness. Think about the next time your partner asks you, Do you know where the money went in our bank account? Oh, I just bought another pinball machine. Get the final round doghouse today. While you're still allowed on your property. just when you thought you'd be excited by avengers infinity quest and the big reveal this month what if in a snap it was all a lie stone pinball wants you to think you live in a world where a vengeance is the next title you've been duped here at the final round pinball podcast crack researchers and researchers on crack have discovered the truth and we did the only logical thing we could do with this information we blackmailed them to become our sponsor of the week the actual next game from stern is not avengers we present to you Queen.
9:42
Reliable sources have confirmed Queen is the next game. So are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? I am.
9:51
Under pressure to cash in on the success of Bohemian Rhapsody, it's time for the hammer to fall on this new machine. Nothing is getting in the way of me owning this Queen machine, So get out of my way, Fat Bottom Girls. Tie your mother down and don't stop me now. And call your distributor today because I've run out of puns.
10:12
Marty, when I say Abraham Lincoln, what do you think of? Uh, top hat. Wasn't he a president as well or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but here, Marty, let me narrow it down.
10:25
What do you think of when you think of Tom Selleck? Many things. First thing that comes to mind is Ferrari and Magnum PI. Not quite there yet.
10:40
What about ZZ Top? Hold on a second. What about Yosamity Sam? I think I know what you're talking about, but give me another clue. Okay, I'll put it in pinball terms. Think of you. Think of me. Think of Roger Sharp. All I can think of is legendary facial hair. Is that where we're going? Abso-frickin-lutely. Now, there are some people out there that are not able to have this. Who are these unfortunate people? Well, luckily, no one because of the new Final Round Beard and Mustache Kit. Marty, have you ever wondered where all those clippings go from the barbershop? I have wondered where they go. Well, don't you worry. They're not going to a landfill site or being dumped in the ocean. No, no, no. We're environmentally friendly here. we've gathered it up for our final round beard and mustache kit is this for real or just a lot of hype with nothing to show is this for real i don't know you tell me keith elwyn has been wearing one for years well if it's good enough for keith it's good enough for everyone get your final round beard and mustache kit today oh look at that travis murray just bought one okay we're good.
11:51
I think his wife bought it for him. Communication. It's how we understand one another, but sometimes there are language barriers. Like if you're Canadian or Australian, and you're trying to speak to people in the United States. How will they understand what we're trying to say? Thankfully, we have developed the final round, Talk Like an American audio tapes. We've always been cunning linguists, and this crash course will give you the essentials you need in 49 of the 50 states. Uh, 49? There's no course that can help you from Massachusetts. Here's an example of how simple it is. Say about. Aboot. No, about. About, eh? Say about. About. You got it. With a few of these lessons, you'll be ready to advance to the next level, conversations. Aren't conversations just listening to the other person and don't talk until it's your turn? Not in the USA. You'll never win a debate like that. The loudest wins. If you think that's how it works, you're sadly mistaken. Don tell me how to talk I a professional broadcaster You don know the first thing about debating I get paid to talk alright This is a hobby for you No one is going to believe anything you saying You just riding on my coattails I don need a co Listen to this clown I can do this without you. Just shut up, man. The final round, talk like an American, audio tapes. Available wherever records and CDs are sold. Where the hell is that? Exactly.
13:20
Is Melbourne Silverball sponsored? No. They're not. Well, don't worry, Marty. You're getting your paycheck. Because we are here at Final Round. It's time for our sponsor of the week. Here in North America, school's been on for a couple of months, and the kids are back with their big backpacks. And, you know, you can get a lot in those backpacks, but they're kind of cumbersome, and, you know, they wrinkle your clothes. Don't you think, Marty? Absolutely. But you and I, we carry wallets. Well, when we have wallets, sometimes you put a little too much in there, and, you know, it can break at the seams. Have you ever had that happen? No, I've never had that happen, Jeff. What solution is there to this problem? Lucky for you, Marty, it's the final round fanny pack. Oh, thank God. Yes, you can hold all your gin receipts and submit them later to the TPN for reimbursement in your final round fanny pack. You know what else goes in there? What? What goes in there, Jeff? Do you have a Walter Day trading card, perhaps, Marty? Well, yes, I do, Jeff. I got one last year. Well, I just got mine, so I think they would fit well in the fanny pack. absolutely they would fit particularly well if you happen to give one to someone who then denies ever receiving one my wife by the way backs me up you never gave me one you son of a bitch i gave you one i promise this is the sponsor of the week don't fuck it up the flat around pinball fanny pack that's what we're trying to sell here for god's sakes i can tell you now if i had a final round fanny pack i would be able to fit enough of my trading cards that you would always be able to get one no matter where I am. Do you know the origin of the fanny pack, by the way? No. You tell me the origin of the fanny pack. How dare you? Here I am in Canada. You're in Australia and it was invented by an Australian widow. Her name was Melba Stone and she was inspired by, what do you think? A fanny? How about the pouch of a kangaroo? Thus, the final round fanny pack. Act now and we'll throw in a kangaroo ball sack.
15:22
I know you're out and about because, oh, wow, 14 days of everything. COVID-free there in Australia. Damn it. I'd love to be there right now. But not the case here in North America and probably in the UK as well. Eight plus months of sitting at home. I swear I have watched every single show on television, on Netflix, on HBO Max, Disney Plus, Hulu. Absolutely everything. Lucky for you, it's our sponsor of the week, a new streaming service, Final Round Flicks. Fresh off the success of the Final Round Virtual Expo video, Martin and Jeff give you the TV streaming service for all your content needs. See original programming like Ginger is the New Black or The Dumbrella Academy. Plus there's the sci-fi hit of the year, The Marty Lorien. Follow the tales of a bounty hunter in a galaxy far, far away. Does anyone at this bar know where I can find a Jedi? Hmph! A Mardi Lorien! Is it true you never take off that helmet? It is the way. Not even for a free bottle of gin? Oh yeah, but the helmet bottoms up. On final round flicks from the minds of the Fluffer Brothers, watch as a group of young kids explore the underworld of evil pinball with stranger-er things. Hey, do you like pinball? Yeah, um... Are you missing on purpose? It's not me. It's the machine. Your nose is bleeding. It's this game. It's making my head explode. Why do they call you Eleven? Because it takes eleven fucking times to hit the demogorgon and it still doesn't go in. Quality programming. 100% original. Subscribe to Final Round Flicks today.
17:11
For almost a year, we've been raking in the big bucks with our sponsors of the week. but it's time to give back to the community with our public service announcement of the week in 2020 the holidays are going to be a lot different during the pandemic but here at the final round pinball podcast we want to point out the positives first because you're working from home you won't have to get your boss a here you mean so much to me gift or you won't have to participate in the stupid office secret santa oh shit i just drew ted's name from accounting Everyone hates Ted, asshole. Also, you won't have to see those relatives of yours that you really don't want to see. Be honest. We can't pick our families. And if we could, there's a few we'd leave off the list. Plus, with the pandemic, do you really want to head to the shopping malls right now? No need. Let us teach you about the art of re-gifting. Anything is possible to re-gift. Like the endless supply of candles you accumulate, or the gift cards you'll never use, or even those hats and t-shirts from the Loser Kid podcast. You can re-gift things like fruitcake. Good chance it's five years old anyway. Or re-gift soaps, gift baskets, or even booze. What the fuck are you talking about, re-gift booze? Ah, no. Okay, fine, fine, fine. The point is, make 2020 the best holiday season yet by saving money on gifts and spending it alone and drunk.
18:32
It's the holiday season. We hope everyone is safe and with loved ones. It's so tough to figure out what gifts to get. I know I struggle every year with what to get my wife. Well, if you really want to impress your partner, why not get something for the both of you? That sounds like my kind of gift. What is it, Marty? It's the Final Round Manscaping Kit. Say goodbye to the 70s and that shag carpet. Yeah, go right on those gonads. Your scro-hawk is not a good look. It is Christmas time after all, so why not trim your tree? And while you're at it, give the family jewels a polish. And you know, personally, as a ginger, too much hot fire down below can be overwhelming. No one ever said, hey, great haircut, little orphan Annie. And men, think about what's going to happen when you get older. Hmm, I was kind of hoping, you know, like your ears and your nose continue to grow. Maybe so does my, you know... No, Jeff. But the grass still grows and your lawn starts to lose its color So make the gray go away with the final round manscaping kit Bring out the old weed whacker and turf that hedgehog of yours Look Borat pubes are for noobs Okay, okay, but is it easy to use? I mean, what if there's a lot to work with? Even the furriest of creatures need not worry. Each kit comes with a how-to video advanced demonstration by Ryan C. Taint no better time than now for the Final Round Manscaping Kit. Why do we do this podcast or any of the videos, any of the stuff we do? The joy of pinball, a way to give back. But the time, the energy, we bust our asses, we put out free content, and all they want is more and more. And for what? A couple of listeners on the podcast, a few viewers on the stream? I agree. It would be nice to reap some rewards. How can we make 2021 different? We are going to turn this audio magic into video gold. You don't mean Twitch. But with DMCA cracking down and tons of pinball streamers, how will we stand out? Ah, ah, ah, ah, you're not thinking about the bigger picture. In 2021, like, follow, and throw a sub at the new Final Round ASMR Twitch channel. Shouldn't we be doing pinball? Screw it. Just make sounds. We do it anyway. Give it a try. Marty. Rub your mustache on the mic.
20:52
Hey, I can hear the money rolling in already. Jeff, give me a sound. Okay. Those are my potato chips, but not just any chips. They're the chips that missed my mouth and landed on my shirt. They're second attempt chips. How's this one?
21:14
What could that be? Is that my first bottle of gin or fifth? Like and subscribe to find out. And don't forget about our private subscription, the OnlyFans Twitch feed. here's a sneak peek you'll have to sub up to find out what I'm scratching what about those people that like a little bit of rough play in their private lives Jeff with the only fan subscription you'll get these sounds of pure torture Josh Sharp master of not winning tournaments mathematically thank you oh not like that stop oh my god it's the final round ASMR twitch channel coming soon.
21:56
Pinball players know how to pimp up their game room. Wall-to-wall machines, toppers, ultraviolet posters, bobbleheads. It's any collector's wet dream, but when it comes time to sell your home, you have to remember that most buyers aren't 12-year-old boys. That's where we come in and save the day. Add value to your real estate with the final round home stages. Here's some of the simple things we'll do to boost your curbside appeal. Plant some flowers, wash the windows, mow the lawn, remove any police tape or chalk outlines. Then when your potential buyer enters your home, it's important to get rid of any clutter. Boxes, extra furniture, toys, Led Zeppelin albums, or recent tournament championship trophies. Oh good, you don't have any. Tell us, Marty Maid, what else should be done? A new homeowner wants to imagine this place as a fresh start, so they might not see past some of your own personal tastes like, oh, I don't know, a swing with straps in the bedroom? Or a young woman and a dog named Precious inside a well in the basement. So, once everything is cleaned, it's time for the final exam to make sure your house is spotless. White glove test? No. The final round home stages are so confident of making your place sparkle that we will even bring out the black light test. Just like they do on CSI.
23:12
Holy shit, there's jizz everywhere. Did a mayonnaise truck explode? Why the fuck did we agree to stage this place? I don't know, Ryan C is your friend Let's burn the place down and get the insurance money How many times have you been at a pinball tournament or arcade And asked yourself, what the fuck is that smell? You can't put your finger on it But after searching for rotten meat, dead corpses and month old laundry You know what it is It's that waft only a pinball player can produce You know that person the one that can't remember their last shower? That's why you need Extra Balls deodorant. Thankfully, because of the pandemic, pinball players have learned how to wash their hands for the first time. But that's not enough. Believe it or not, hygiene is more than just a greeting to our favorite San Fran cameraman from Orange Photography. Hygiene helps maintain health and prevent disease. Who knew? Pinball players know the grueling schedule of long lines and long hours at tournaments. Let Extra Balls Deodorant help you and others around you. Put an end to crop dusting, dragon breath and armpit warfare. Get Extra Balls Deodorant today. Act now and we'll throw in a bonus. Your first and very own tube of toothpaste. Please use Google on how to apply.
24:35
It's the most important thing in the world to you. Without it, your very existence is in question. Family? Friends? Health? No, I'm talking about a pinball award. You campaigned long and hard to win a trophy. Begged and begged. Please, please, please. You've had people vote who have never played a machine, never saw a stream, never heard a podcast. But if they have an email, they were there for you and your vote. Good for you. Although, sadly, even with several social media posts, videos, audio drops, mass emails, and pleading for weeks on end. You came up short. Don't worry. We've got just the thing for you. Kleenex. That Kleenex box is going to come in handy when you wipe your tears when you don't win. Blow your nose after endless sobbing. And did you know that Kleenex has other purposes too for pinball folk? Like zit squashing, last minute toilet paper, padding bras and crotch regions, plus many more. that must be why Ryan C has so many Kleenex boxes and bottles of Juergens not sure the connection there Kleenex, there for you and all your sticky situations we hope you enjoyed the sponsors and look forward to the next episode of the fun around this Wednesday on the Pinball Network
26:04
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