🎵 Hello and welcome to another edition of the JBS show. Today I have returning guest, Rachel Risto. How are you? I'm great. This is also Rigby that's joining us for those that are watching visually. Yeah, he's trying to get those trophies that you got up there, Rach. Yeah. He's really trying. She really is. There are two that I won this year, and I thought they'd be great toppers on my one and only game that I have right now. I'm getting my Cactus Canyon that I won very soon. So then I'll become a two game household. There you go. How are you, Jamie? I am good. Let's explain how this came about, because it's kind of funny, right? Yes. And the topic of today is anxiety or any mental illness, for that matter, and pinball. and how this came about was uh i posted a reel and and on tiktok about an anxiety attack that i had at a pinball tournament recently and the outpouring of support rachel was amazing and so i've been thinking about you know what if i just go and talk about it and and see if maybe we could help one person that might be suffering with something and what was so funny was the other night, I did my own podcast. I was going to do it myself, Rachel. Well, here's how it happened. I reach out to Rachel. I said, hey, I have this idea. What do you think? Of course, she's 100% on board because she's a trooper, right? Absolutely. And then I said, you know what? I'm going to give it a stab by my own. You're like, no problem because you're the best. Yeah, I support that for sure. And then you saw my reel of how bad it was and you said another I of the meeting says, all right so when are you available yeah well it is it's really hard to record just on your own solo as a podcaster absolutely and no it was just so funny rachel i was having anxiety doing a podcast on my own about anxiety and pinball so uh if you don't laugh about it you'll start to cry so that's right i choose most days i choose laughter most days yeah me too me me too but sometimes it does get a hold of us, right? It does. It's funny because today at work, I was feeling a little anxious about recording tonight because it's been quite some time since I've sat behind, done any type of podcasting. So here I am. And I think it's funny because that's the subject we want to talk about anyways, is anxiety and pinball and mental health. So here we are. It's kind of funny, though. Yeah. I've had you on the podcast before when it was wormhole pinball, And we did an interview with you and how you got involved with District 82 at the time and Fox Cities and been an excellent voice in pinball, not just women's pinball, in pinball. Thank you. So here's what happened. Okay, let's start out with what I suffered from, right? I have anxiety. I'm not afraid to admit it. at a time in my life, I was afraid to admit it, right? Because I didn't know what it was. But my parents really did tell me about Santa when I was like five or six years old. Okay. Because I could not handle the fact that what if I wasn't good enough? What if I get nothing? You know, the whole story. If you have kids in the car, I'm sorry. Okay. Santa is, we are all Santa. That's right. But that's a true story, right? So I can laugh about it now, but I was at a pinball tournament and I try, when I set myself up, how I set myself up for not failure, but anxiety is coming into a tournament, caring, caring, caring too, too much. Yes. about winning. Now, I'm a competitive dude, and I played golf forever. I was a two-handicap. I know how to pound balls and practice and get good at it. I have good eye hands, so I thought pinball, I should definitely be in the top 1,000. No chance. These guys and girls are just so much better than me. But I set myself up going into this big eight-round group match play, top 16 finals, 60 people at Eureka Heights, Rachel. A big tournament, right? Yeah, I set myself up, right? So then I come and I'm sitting down and David David Van Es from Barrels of Fun slaps me on the shoulder and says, hey, buddy, how are you? Now, that in and of itself is great. I love David. It's great to see him at a local tournament. Right. But when he sat down with me, we were just shooting ideas together. And he's like, look, we've got a Dune pinball machine and a Labyrinth pinball machine coming to a local arcade. We'd love for you to stream. And that is so nice. And I'm like, oh, thank you so much. It's such an honor, isn't it? It is, right? But that's where the anxiety started, right at that minute. Sure. Because for me, I don't know if Tom gets this, Tom Graff, our friend, but when I have to move my stuff out of the one that was just the wormhole to TPF or you've sat with me at Space City Open and spoke with me, that is a nightmare for me. That is anxiety 101, right? Because every time I move my rig, something breaks. So I freak out, right? So now I'm freaking out. And then four or five people come up to me and they go, hey, I heard you might be streaming at – streaming Dune at Einstein's and I am just now. Right? The anxiety. Do you go into, like, a white space where everything just kind of, like, you know, like you hear them and you know what they're saying, but I don't know. Like, sometimes it's just fade away. Right? You know what I get? No, I don't. I don't get that. I get – How does it make you feel? yeah I'm a pleaser so I always have to say yes and I really should be saying no okay I really should just say no I can't do that very much I can't do that thank you what an honor would be to stream Dune live that'd be awesome but I can't do that right so if I and you don't even have to give them reasons you can just say no maybe just and saying thank you for the honor you don't have to give them reasons yeah i don't have to go into the whole anxiety thing i could just say my anxiety is like my anxiety for me there would be i feel like i have to over explain everything because i want to make sure that people really understand that guess what that i care and all this other stuff you know so i think that but you do it to yourself so like yes it's very hard to say no to things especially to incredible opportunities that you're given within the hobby that you're so passionate about, Jeannie. Oh, what an honor, right? What an honor. And for everyone to coming up to me and saying, you know, you're the voice of the community. We'd really love. They don't mean to be putting pressure on me. I hear that. I have people say the same thing to me. And that's crazy. I'm like, if that's still a very bonkers thing. And because so I do feel pressure from that, you know, right. But I figured out streaming wise how to deal with that. That stuff. So as the day progresses, I decide let's just have fun. Okay, that's my go-to. If I could just go and be with my group of people. And when I'm in a group, I tend to be a cheerleader in that group unless I get nervous and I go for walks. This is how I play pinball tournaments. I go, I walk, I talk to people that I love, and I communicate, hey, what game are you on? You know, it's such a pinball term, right? We go up to our friends and we say, what are you on? Oh, Deadpool. Cool. Oh, yeah. You know, I've had really good success doing whatever. We talk about it and it's fun, right? Yeah. I start getting in my head around round five because I'm playing really well. Now the anxiety is falling over me and it falls over me like this to my shoulders. And it's like, what if I make the finals and have to stream? Because I don't have a team. It's Jamie. It's a JBS show. I don't have a team. And my teammate, John Spates, is out of town. So I'm like, then it hits me. And it starts pummeling me. And now I'm into negativity. Now I'm playing poorly. And I'm like, I can't even. You know the doubt that goes into your head, the holes that we dig ourselves. Yes. And it just spiraled. And then I finally set everything up. I'm starting to stream and I'm streaming and playing and I'm playing like dog shit. It's cool for all to see now. Hot garbage. OK, for all to see. Yes. And it was it was a moment where I looked at the camera on stream and you could see it at the JBS show. No, I don't want people to see it because it gives me anxiety. But I just said, I can't do this anymore. And good for me. Yes. But I lied. I lied and told people that I had stuff to do because my wife was coming back from town, which is true. But I had already done it. It wasn't a lie. It was a lie. It wasn't a lie because it was truthful. It wasn't the exact reason. It was one of the reasons. But whatever. They didn't need to know that. Because, again, it comes back to the whole thing of, well, it's a thing of saying no, and you don't have to give a person a reason. But because you care about the community, you did, so that's the reason you gave them. Come back to that. I'm glad that you quit when you did. I had to because it was just I couldn't function. I really couldn't. And that's so crazy because I did the Twippies live, right? Yeah. I did so much live stuff. Yes. I never get anxious. The only thing I get anxious about is sound, audio, video, and everything. Just, like, if, God forbid, that score cam is off and you can't see the score, you know, as a streamer. Someone in chat will tell you. Someone in chat is going to tell me. And I always say to chat, I know, Bob. I know. You know, and Boob Newhart, she's great. She'll go, Jamie, score can't. I go, I know, boob. I really know it. I just can't go over their head and do it. But in between balls I swear to God I going to fix it I swear to God So I thought that one of the things was so amazing about just talking about it was the amount of people that reached out you being one of them God bless you. So I thought, why don't we go through some of the things, you know, that we maybe suffer from or that we struggle with, if you will, and what we're doing to try to stop it from happening. Sure. I would like to back up. Oh, go ahead. Yeah, I want to back up a little bit. And because you make mention of when you're playing that you walk around, which is, yeah, I'm a walker. I'm a pacer. Walking is great. That's fantastic. when I have a bad game and if I have a bad game I will go walk around after the ball and I'm like what or if I got a house ball like in the worst timing possible or whatever the case may be and I go walk around I do the same thing where I'll just go join a group of friends and ask you know see what's going on or say hi how are you and then walk back and see where I'm at in the game And sometimes that really helps because, you know, all of that. So you're doing it right. I also want to mention that when you're running, because I organize Ladies Flip Wisconsin, and then I play it. And then you play in it. How do you do that? Sometimes, yeah, and I play it. But I always have a dedicated scorekeeper, an internment director. But I still end up making TV calls and hostessing because that's just part of my Midwestern nature. and so it's it's hard so i often feel a lot of anxiety when i'm actually because it's a lot to juggle right so like when i'm trying when i go play like i can feel like oh i just got distracted for like the last eight minutes and i gotta get called to the game i forgot what i'm doing this game and i'm like then i stand up to the game i'm like please don't drain and then it becomes like all this internal anxiety while i'm playing right isn't that happen to be two yeah but um my point is long tangent there is that uh jamie you had a lot of stuff going on and so you're feeling and plus you're trying to make finals and as any competitive yeah that's like it's like you have to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and just figure out how to do it and but when you have all this other excess stuff um it's very difficult i have no idea how tom does it tom graph of foxy's pinball stream he knows yeah he's amazing I don't know how he plays and streams and moves the rig and does everything. And especially he's done so much streaming by traveling. I can say that, you know, it is a lot to take your stuff somewheres and set your stuff, bring your stuff, things break, and hope you have a backup or the right plug. And coming across those issues, you know, that can be such a stressful thing. And that can cause, like, you know, all those other jobs. It does. The only thing that works for me is preparation. And what I mean by that is I have doubles and triples of every chord, Rachel. Okay? And I have to. Or so you think. Or so I think. But I really, really do. My wife laughs at me with the amount of chords that I have. That's okay. Nothing wrong with that. And batteries. I have so many damn batteries. But I just can't move it anymore. I can't move them anymore. It just causes too much stress for me. Sure. I just said, and so this is a bit of news. I'm not going to be doing the Space City Open this year, nor TPF. So I've decided I'm only going to stream at Eureka Heights. Great. And it was hard for me to. I'm excited for your future. I am too. One, I never get. You know what? It put the doubt in my mind at Expo last year. Chicago Expo, big anniversary. I walk in. I see you streaming, right? You go, come on, get on. The only time I was in the booth. That was the only time, Jamie, because I was very busy at Expo doing other things. So I saw you. I saw Tom. I tried to talk to him, but he's doing things. And I'm like, I know. I've got to leave you alone. And I realized I then got to just hang out at Expo. I didn't have to be in a tournament room. I just hung out with my friends and got to play pinball. It was fantastic. And I never get to do that at Space City Open or at TPF. Are you going to Temple and just be pinball Jamie and not streaming? Yeah. I can just do that now. And like Saturday night at both Houston Arcade Expo and TPF, those were nights that I was in the streaming booth. and I'm a little anxious too because I've got to be the guy that controls it. Yeah. So I have a really tough time giving up control, Rachel. Like Tom can say, all right, here you go, here's the rig, set it up. He's also been streaming longer than you have, Jamie, and I hope this is okay to share, but that's something that's progressed over time as well. Like in the beginning, I mean, it was terrifying. The first Super Series I was in the booth doing that, you know, I was terrified to touch his stuff. And the command central has only grown, and it's just incredible. Yeah, it's just gotten bigger and bigger. But he has to at some point, then you have to trust other people, and other people step up to help. And so I think that's part of it too. If you don't have a dedicated helper, just one person in the booth, it's so difficult. Well, I try to train people. I remember training Donovan extensively, right? and I could see him leaving his body as I'm through step 15. I even made a video. I made a video for him on the Osmo Pocket 3. I held it. I showed them everything they needed to do to start the stream so I could take a day off, and they still couldn't do it. It's okay. The newer setup is a lot easier, but I just want to enjoy Expos. I just want to enjoy them. Yes, and absolutely. I don't tournament play at Expo. This will be the third year that I do not do that. Good for you. Enjoy it, right? We want to play Star Wars. We want to play maybe Walking Dead. I want to hang out with my podcast tribe, the Four Mans Pinball tribe. I want to hang out with players from all over the place, people I know from all different walks of life in the hobby. I want to go see them and hug them. I'll bring my hugs. Yeah. I want to do all those kind of things. But I do want to get back to the – I want to talk about the posts. So the post that you made and you talked about the different I did go look at it before we hit record today because I wanted to look at what other people's responses were. And that really were pretty lovely, weren't they? They were fantastic. Like, what do you do? What do you do when you're feeling that way? And I think some of the responses were just that to take a walk, to go outside. I like to go outside and touch grass if I have to. Nice. Or I like to go. I do different things with grass when I go outside. Well, yeah. Okay. That's also a suggestion is, you know, people, you can have a drink. I really don't drink anymore. I don't drink. But, you know, you can engage in a little bit of cannabis if that's your speed, and that might help to relax you. Just make sure it's the right, you know, the right kind. Right. I'm lucky, too, that at District 82 I have the luxury of just stepping outside I'm in this empty parking lot in the middle of nowhere, industrial area, and I'm able to go into my vehicle and sit in my vehicle or go outside and curse, scream, you know, certain F words. And sometimes that makes me feel better, too. So people have those kind of suggestions. It's just getting away from the environment and trying breathing exercises, too, especially when you feel like that's you're being, you know, that heavy crushing weight that's settling down your shoulders. Like you've got two elements pressing down on you. So what can you do? What can you do to look, I'm going to do it. I'm going to move my shoulders and like relieve the tension. You know, what else can you do? Cause it's not just mental in terms of brain and anxiety. It's physical. And I think a lot of people don't realize that. So I think like, can you, can you, how can you just not just the mental brain stuff going on, but how can you like physically treat it? And so there are some really good answers there, too. What else? What else about that? What else was in that post? Well, I, you know, a couple of my fraternity brothers said have a drink, buddy, and these sorts of things. But, you know, they're being wise asses. But I think. That works for some people. It does. Some people are able to go up to a game. They come into a tournament. They walk up to a game and they just let go of everything and become one with the game. um you know i thought about that what do people do like while playing the game uh jason dollar has one ear plug in listening to a random list of over a thousand songs and one out and just you know that's usually the way he plays i'm like does that work because he plays so well do you know what i mean like what what is it while you're playing how do you get rid of the anxiety volume. What is the secret sauce? I think it works. When you talk about Jason, who's just my God, right? The one of the best players we've ever seen. And we have so many ridiculous players that we've never seen right now. They can control the, their emotions so well between balls, Bowen, Karen's think about it. I mean, what Bowen can do in between balls and not look, it's just, that's why they're elite. I'm never going to get there, ever. Me neither. And nor do I have the time to practice and hit balls to use a golf analogy to get there. But if I can control the emotion in between balls and walking up to, it's the negativity for me that gets me. I'll give you an example, right? Shoot. I get anxious. I use Next.matchplay. Everyone, it's pretty industry standard, right? We're tournament players. We use Next.matchplay. And I throw Next.matchplay a couple of bucks so I can get an SMS, a text, on my phone. Great. And it just makes it easier. And if I'm outside or if I'm going for a walk, I can get the text. I don't have to hear the TD say rounds up. but do you know that minute of 30 seconds of anxiety when you hear rounds up and you're waiting on the text and you go oh please don't be stars oh please no i'm just joking i'm joking please don't be dredd that feels yeah okay or please you are in dread please don't be dnd which is kicking my rear end right now right okay so right off the bat i'm doing something wrong okay okay what i should be doing my therapist would say jamie you setting yourself up right off the bat okay what are you doing What are you doing So when those thoughts come into my head I tend to just go you know what If I get D&D, damn it, I can pound that dragon. Don't go in the dungeon and let's go. Okay? Just like I would say to you. Right. I'm here for points. That's right. It would be the same thing I would say to you if you came up to me and go, oh, man, I'm on Dungeons & Dragons, Jamie. And I go, all right, you know what to do. Let's go get that potion. Let's go save that dog, you know, whatever. And I'd be like, thanks, Jamie, and I'd give you a fist bump. Yeah, but I can't do it to myself. I could do it for you, okay, but I can't do it for myself. So that's one thing I'm working on is start off without doing things that are going to cause you the anxiety. and you sitting there looking at your phone praying that you don't get ABC machine is not a good start, right? I watch the great players. Some of them talk in between rounds. Some of them to each other. Some of them don't. They're all different. Right. And it's what works for those individuals, right? To use a golf analogy, I did, if I hit a shitty shot and I was in the trap, I would walk my butt up to the green and tell my buddy, take the card up for me. I need that five-minute walk to calm it down. And I do that in pinball. I do that in pinball. I do that. I have a bad game. I need five minutes. I need five minutes to get over it, or I get dumped out of finals by two points, or I lose a tiebreaker during finals. I get dumped out. I need five minutes to just be whatever about it. I don't want to use the word mad, but not disappointed either. Just be like frustrated or annoyed or rethink, reprocess the game. What went wrong in the game? And I need five minutes to like move. Absolutely. And then I'm like, oh, I'll go back and let's go play Samanus Family. Let's go. I did that. I did that. I was fooling around. I should not have been messing around on the left side of Adams. What you know better than that, Jamie, is too dangerous. Okay. Let's just shake it off. and let's get a good ball too. So I can talk the talk. I just got to walk the walk with that, Rachel, okay? I got to walk the walk. Do you, in anything else, like anything else you did competitive growing up, did you ever get any competitive anxiety? So funny because I think pinball is the very first thing I've ever felt truly competitive about. I think maybe because, I don't know, like I've thought about that. I've talked to my therapist about that. You know, I was a middle child, so I don't know. I don't feel, I think that sometimes has something to do with it. I played sports in grade school, and I did theater and other stuff and track and stuff in high school, but I never felt overly competitive or that way. But I think that's just the way that my upbringing and who I am and, like, my personality. It's just amazing to me that pinball – and I'm not going to call myself a great athlete. I was a varsity soccer and golfer. Nice. But good enough to get letters, not good enough to really play college sports. But I was hardly – I think the preparation that your coach puts you through, especially if you have great coaches. Yeah. they can set you up for success. That's what they're trying to do. And they might know, all right, Jamie's a little anxious today. Let's get him running. Let's get him thinking, not thinking about this. And that sort of thing. When you're playing pinball, you're on your own, man. And it's unlike golf, too, that the pressure in between balls Every shot is insane to me. I know so many people that are surgeons that get no anxious. They're not anxious when they're cutting the track. You know when they're nervous? On ball three and they got to hit the last shot. They got nothing working on multiball. They're not in a mode, and they need $100 million on Deadpool. Boom, go. That's how they cut the artery. Yeah. So isn't that amazing? Isn't that crazy that this competitive pinball? And so I've been thinking about something, and I want to run this by you, okay? Shoot. As we're talking about things that we're working on, I would love people to leave comments on this podcast and tell us what works for you, okay? because if something that we're mentioning, it doesn't work for someone, anyone else that comes up with an idea would be just fantastic. And nothing's crazy. Yeah. That's the whole point of this is that I think we got so many views and so many likes and so many – I thought, hey, let's just throw a 30- to 40-minute podcast out here and get people talking. But I've got this idea. Me and John Spates from Eureka Heights have been fooling around with an idea since the wormhole of a non-IFPA. I think no offense to the IFPA. They're great, right? I love the IFPA. I love the IFPA. But IFPA and whoppers give people some nerves. And if we want to grow pinball, points in the beginning when you come in, you can't even change your outlanes. outlanes you don't know what you're doing right that's a great example yes okay you can't change any of the lanes up top to spell you don't know what you're doing you don't know what you're doing right so getting last all the time is demoralizing in an ifpa tournament for sure sometime okay um so we have beginner leagues we have other things that that people are starting and they're trying to see how do we get these new people into pinball, right? We're all asking how do we get new people, especially in competitive pinball. We need more bodies. Bring them in. Bring them in. Well, this is my idea. If you're under, let's say you're 5,000 IPA and higher, all right, so you're fairly new or you're an average player. All right. We set a tournament up for you where you get a coach. Yes. And the coach walks you through, and then you take your – say you get 10 people to sign up. You bring 10 coaches with all IFPAs under 2,000. Oh, I have an idea. I have an idea. Please. I have an idea. Pin golf. You do this pin golf. With a caddy. Yes, and your caddy is your coach. and I'm going to tell you why I'm going to tell you why why should it be pin golf because the whole thing of having somebody cheer you on and what we talked about before of you saying I need to say those things that I'm saying to other people encouraging them I need to say it to myself but having somebody your friend say that to you and saying okay this is great or that ball was not good but it's okay we can regroup it's fantastic And this is why I'm going to say this is a fantastic idea, Jamie, and I would love to do a tournament like that up here. Okay. This is why. It's because after five years, I finally won a women's Wisconsin pinball tournament, and it was a pin golf style tournament where I was – my pin golf partner was Craft Brew Sally. She's wonderful. Yes, she is fantastic. and she was my caddy and she her energy and everything that she gave to me because she was so encouraging and helping me to like just keep it together while I was playing because I just I knew how to play the games but just like I was in my head and she helped me stay out of my head and stay focused on the game and she helped to relax me I called it I hope this isn't embarrassing but I called her it's like she covered me like being her presence is being covered in like lavender essential oil or something like the very you're in a spa relax with cucumbers on your eyes because just her presence and her sound and her voice so i she knows i love her but what i'm saying about that it's that energy of having her she was like my coach and my caddy and all in one well and i think that's why i played so well because i've analyzed it because i'm an over analyzer about what is the reason that i was finally able to do it i've had plenty of opportunities I've run a lot of women's events. I've played only a couple other ones I've run. So I know that's part of the issue, but I think that was the key to success for me. So anyways, being able to apply something like a pin golf where you have your caddy as your coach, and so it's still like a target score pin golf, and they're coming along with you, that would be amazing because you're not playing against other players either. You don't have to worry about, oh, what is everybody else's scores and whatever. I just know, well, that was a crappy Stranger Things. Now I got six, you know, instead of a hole in one. But such is life when we move on because my caddy is with me and we're going to go. I absolutely love this. What do you think? John, I know you're listening. We need to do this at Eureka because it's a fantastic idea. I love it. And maybe you have a beginner's. I don't know. We'll figure it out. It's awesome. I play pinball with John almost every other day. He'll come over to my house or I'll come over to his house. And right now I'm housing his Iron Maiden LE. And he has a 007 LE. Great machine that we want to delve into. Like with 007, we want to get to two minutes of midnight. It's the only thing we haven't done. And we need more soul shards. And so we're really fooling around. And what we do is we'll compete with each other. We're having a little joke tournament against each other. But he's standing next to me telling me what to do. He's like, you've got to hit this left ramp, dude. I'm like, I know. He's like, all right, trap up when you can and let's get this left ramp. That's a caddy. Yes. And I do the same thing when I'm over at his house playing 007 because we're trying to get Orange Q, if you know our 007. There's a ton of points in the orange Q branch and more than the yellow and the blue. You could really print points in the orange, but we'll go and just all we're doing today, dude, is going two minutes of midnight. All we're doing today is orange Q branch. Everything else 007 everything else is just gravy But let really get a billion by doing orange Q branch How fun this is going to be today So him next to me caddying me along is one of my favorite things Yep. And if we can figure out a tournament in next stop match play that sets it up. But you just said it. It's pin golf with a caddy. Mm-hmm. Awesome. And it's not IFPA. I think that would – because it would also help the new players that are into it. And I'm about restricting to the top 5,000. So I know there's other players that they still need to learn, but you figure it out or whatever. Yeah, maybe 4,000 or 3,000. I don't know. We'll figure it out. I don't know either. I don't want to hurt feelings, but I just want someone who's 15,000. That other person can be the coach then. That's the idea is we're all working together, right? We were fooling around with another idea where if you're below 3,000, you have to pick a partner who's above 6,000 or 5,000. Sure. Or so that they mathematically make this number so that you don't have a top 100 picking another top 100. That's not the point of this. The point is if you're, you know, you take a top 100, they have to take 10,000 or more. Yes. There's got to be a mathematician that could figure this out for us. I played a split flipper tournament like that at D82 a couple years ago where you were ranked by IFPA from high to low. So that was the right way to do it. It was non-IFPA, and that was a really fun tournament. Yeah. In order to get more people in the IFPA, we've got to do some non-IFPA tournaments, okay, to get them in there so they're not getting ones in group match play tournaments and just get crushed. They're actually getting crushed, and then they feel junky, and they don't want to come back or return. And that's a whole other level of anxiety in itself for them as a player. Right. Because they just want to have fun. They just want to have fun. That's the whole point. Right. And there are people there that are going for whoppers. No problem, man. You do you. Okay? I'm there to try to do both. Yes. I'm going to try to do both. Me too. Okay? And when I'm in my whopper head, I've got to get out of it a little more and get into my fun head. But it is what it is. You know, when I'm playing tournament pinball, I want to mention this, too, because I did post this as a response to that reel. The anxiety thing while you're playing, you know, Andy Bigwell told me at one point a while ago that you just have to turn and greet it and shake its hand. And that is a very hard thing to do while you're playing. But you can do it. And there's different ways to do it. Drown it out with music. Just stay focused. I don't know. I wish sometimes I can do it and I can just drill that and I can just find that happy spot in my head. But I also think like the anxiety while you're playing and stuff that also could be if you've got other background noise going on in your personal life and that comes in as well, you're not going to play well because that's a level of junk that's riding along with you while, you know, so forth. So I think that, I don't know, the anxiety while you're actively playing is a whole other thing too, Jamie, you know, trying to figure it out. But I think I really encourage people too, yeah, to write in or leave a comment or a message because I like to read about that too, what other people do to calm their brains. After six years in the hobby, oh my gosh, I still haven't figured that out either. so yeah it's like i i would prefer no one say just calm down because uh that is telling anybody to calm down has never worked ever isn't that my parents god bless them right they just didn't know what to deal with this anxious little kid right yeah dami you need to calm down well i mean what do you think i'm trying to do what do you think i'm trying to do right so i'm trying to breathe I'm trying to read. I don't know what I'm doing. I just, I know I'm not getting gifts from Santa. That's what I know what's happening. Okay. Yes. But, you know, real quick, another thing, setting yourself up like we talked about before is so important to not do, right? Set yourself up for success, not failure. Believe in yourself. Believe that you can do it. It's just a game. Okay. Everybody drains. Okay. Jason Zahler is going to drain. Yes, he will. It might take him forever, two hours to play a game. But he is going to drain. We're all going to drain. We're all going to get house balls. Jason Zahler gets house balls. Okay. And, you know, this joke I have, my wife, God bless her. Janine, I love you so much for dealing with me sometimes because I can't be late. God bless her. I can't be late. That's an anxious thing for me, like being late for a flight or being late for, I just lose it, being late for a meeting. I'm never late because I know the time in between being late is so anxious for me that I'm not going to set myself up to be late. Sure. Okay. So that's just what I do. I make sure that I'm not late. I make sure that I know where I'm going. I make sure like setting up this podcast. All right. I didn't, I don't have the proper camera. I'm using a camera that I don't really love. I don't care. All right. I had to get over that right now. And it took, it still takes 20 minutes to set all this crap up. And so what did I do? I walked over where I'm recording 45 minutes. I did it. Now my wife is like, Jamie, you don't need 45 minutes to set all this up. I'm like, yeah, but you know what? If it doesn't go right, then I'm going to go into the anxiety zone, if you will, where there's five minutes and Rachel's waiting for me. And God forbid, Rachel's, you know what I mean? This is the thing that goes through my head. So I just don't set it up. I set it up where I don't have to worry about that. But if you were late, what do you think I would have said? No problem, of course. Right. It's okay, Jamie. Take five. I know that. I know that. I know you're a sweetheart. I know, but that's the worst part because you also know. And I also think it's important to mention that knowing and being self-aware about what's going on upstairs is so important to you, Jamie. So I'm so glad that you shared that. I'm glad that we had a conversation about all of that. No, thank you so much for taking the time with me. I'm in a very good mental state, which is so funny, right? For years, I've been in a very good mental state. My anxiety, I've been working on. I'm on that Peloton now. Awesome. It really, now, I am a dopamine fiend with Diet Coke. I know this. Oh, yes. No question. I have a little bit of a problem. And then these damn zins. These zins. Oh, okay. They're getting me. But those things aside, I'm really in good shape. It's just pinball. And I'm like, at the end of the day, it is just pinball. It's just a child's game that's been modified for adults to put their money into and play. And it is fun, and you're going to train, but it's still a good time. And, yes, you might get three house balls on magic, and you can go outside and scream. But the thing is, is you're going to play another game. it's not going to stop you from berlin playing because that does happen everybody right exactly exactly so thank you so much for all the kind responses thank you so much rachel i can't wait to see you at expo yeah a couple of weeks away i'm only going for a couple of days because i have a wedding on friday so i'm going wednesday thursday partying all night and then thursday and then getting on the first flight out Friday morning. Oh, okay. Are you going to be there? I will be there Thursday. Okay. So maybe I will see you. There is a celebrity mixer. Shout out to Kineticist. Are you going to go to that? The media mixer? I don't know. I haven't decided. I'm like, am I part of the pinball media? I don't know. See, there's some anxiety coming in there. Yes. No. Welcome to my world. welcome to my world that's why i know that's why we recorded this okay and that's why i needed a partner in this thank you so so much for doing this i really really appreciate you yeah for sure and what what's your next tournament when are you planning your next event the next event i'm playing will be probably just i don't really have actually anything oh i could plug that i am going to That's what I'm trying to get to, Rachel. See, I'm a professional broadcaster. I'm trying to get you to plug something. This is Rachel Bristol coming to you live. Yeah. The next event that you will see me at and a big event that I will be doing commentary and streaming for is for the Southwest Bells Pinball Rodeo. That's at the end of January. They asked me to come down and do some streaming for it. And I'm so honored. And again, it's that thing. You're doing the rodeo? I am doing the rodeo with Lauren, and I can't wait. I'm so excited. Is she amazing, too, by the way? She's amazing. The whole thing, the whole team there is amazing. I think it's like 80-plus players. It's going to be a huge women's weekend. I can't wait. They give away stashes. They don't fool around in Texas. They don't fool around down here, man. I'm telling you. That's the next big thing that's on my radar. I think that's at the end of January. Have they sold that out yet? I think the tickets go on sale in the middle of October for that. Okay. So you can check out just Google that or check them out on Facebook. Are they having it at the Austin Pinball Collective? I'm sorry? Is it at the Austin Pinball Collective? I think it's at the same place, location that it was before. It's like a hotel and conference center. Oh, wow. Okay, great. But I do want to go play the Austin Pinball Collective. I'd like to come down there for an understandable defense. Me too. If I come down there, I'll let you know. But I think just really try to maybe get some Wisconsin, think about Whoppers and Anxiety, try to get some Wisconsin open points to see if I can try to get into state, open state. I'm sitting fine for women's. I'm going to win it this year and not get shut out by Cassidy for the third time, hopefully. There you go. But, you know, those are the pinball plans for sure. So that's it. Well, I will see you at Expo. You're an absolute pleasure. your joy for this hobby and thank you for doing this for me. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Yeah. Happy flipping. Bye. Thank you guys.