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Worst Arcade Beat 'em Ups!

RetroRalph·video·8m 8s·analyzed·Jun 8, 2022
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Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.021

TL;DR

RetroRalph reviews the worst arcade beat-em-ups with humor and nostalgia.

Summary

RetroRalph reviews the worst arcade beat-em-up games, ranking titles like Ninja Clowns, Tough Turf, Pit Fighter spiritual successor Guardians of the Hood, Burning Fight, Brute Force, Crude Buster, Devil's Dare Crew, and Riot City as poorly designed, boring, or derivative games. He acknowledges some games are 'so bad they're good' and invites viewer disagreement.

Key Claims

  • Incredible Technologies made Ninja Clowns and should stick to golf, bowling, and cornhole games

    high confidence · Direct statement about developer and game quality assessment

  • Tough Turf is a crappy version of Double Dragon with no redeeming qualities

    high confidence · Direct comparison and gameplay critique

  • Guardians of the Hood was a spiritual successor to Pit Fighter, made by Atari

    high confidence · Explicitly stated as 'spiritual successor' and developer attribution

  • Devil's Dare Crew was originally supposed to be called Streets of Rage

    medium confidence · Speaker states 'I read somewhere this was actually supposed to be called Streets of Rage' — hearsay, not confirmed

  • Riot City is a complete ripoff of Final Fight by Capcom

    high confidence · Direct criticism comparing maps and overall design

Notable Quotes

  • “Ninja Clowns is a total piece of shit.”

    Jon (RetroRalph)@ 0:45 — Strong opening statement establishing tone and setting expectations for harsh critique

  • “I would personally rather forget it, but my friends and I used to call it Shit Fighter back in 1990.”

    Jon (RetroRalph)@ 1:42 — Humorous personal anecdote about Pit Fighter's poor reception in the community

  • “What happened to you? How do you go from making some of the best arcade classics of all time to Guardians of the Hood?”

    Jon (RetroRalph)@ 2:17 — Rhetorical question expressing disappointment in Atari's decline in quality

  • “Maybe destroying businesses should have been the whole premise of the game because it's oddly satisfying.”

    Jon (RetroRalph)@ 2:47 — Humorous observation about Burning Fight's appeal being limited to destructible object bonus stages

  • “Some of these games are actually so bad, they're good, if that makes any sense.”

    Jon (RetroRalph)@ 6:48 — Meta-commentary acknowledging the subjective nature of 'so bad it's good' games and inviting viewer interpretation

Entities

Jon (RetroRalph)personIncredible TechnologiescompanyAtaricompanySegacompanyData EastcompanyCapcomcompanyNinja ClownsgameTough TurfgameGuardians of the HoodgameBurning FightgameBrute ForcegameCrude Buster

Signals

  • ~

    sentiment_shift: Speaker's assessment of Devil's Dare Crew shifts from initial dismissal to qualified appreciation upon further play, noting early 1990s charm and divisive-but-engaging music quality

    high · This game almost didn't make my list. The more I played it, the more I kinda liked it...Love it or hate it, I'm afraid you might just have to try this one

Transcript

youtube_groq_whisper · $0.024

0:00
Hey guys, welcome back to the channel. In today's episode, we're going to look at really bad arcade side-scrolling beat-em-ups. There's a bunch of good ones, don't get me wrong, but this list is filled with turds. First up is Ninja Clowns. Trust me when I say this, Incredible Technologies, the makers of Golden Tee, made this steaming pile. And it's a good thing they stuck to making golf games, because this game totally sucks. They ventured away from golf a few times, and most of the time the outcome was completely terrible. I will say this though, they made Street Fighter the movie, and I know that game gets a lot of hate, but that one I like. But Incredible Technologies, please, stick to making golf, bowling, and cornhole games for the love of god. Ninja Clowns is a total piece of shit. Next up we have Tough Turf. This game is annoying from the time you stick your first quarter into the machine. I have never played a more boring, piece of crap beat em up than this. How did Sega even get involved in this trash? It's like a really really really really crappy version of Double Dragon that's not fun at all and has no redeeming qualities. The levels are boring as hell, the colors of the game are super flat, and all the characters seem like they walk around with sticks up their asses. I might stick around for the soundtrack, but even that gets annoying after a while. And what does let's blam mean?
1:25
This reminds me of when I was a kid playing a bad Commodore 64 port of an arcade game, and I convinced myself it was good. It was fun to lie to myself as a kid and convince myself that something was good. But now I'm an adult, and this game blows.
1:38
Oh, man. You guys remember Pit Fighter, right? I would personally rather forget it, but my friends and I used to call it Sh** Fighter in 1990. I thought Atari would have just left well enough alone, but they decided to make what some call a spiritual successor to it. That's this pile of trash called Guardians of the Hood So let me understand the logic at Atari headquarters Turn a crappy fighting game if you can even call it that into a crappy beat Sounds like a solid plan And who captured these digitized actors and didn catch that maybe they missed a few frames of motion? This game was developed by the all-powerful Atari. What happened to you? How do you go from making some of the best arcade classics of all time to Guardians of the Hood?
game
Devil's Dare Crewgame
Riot Citygame
Pit Fightergame
Double Dragongame
Final Fightgame
Bad Dudesgame
Streets of Ragegame
Street Fighter the moviegame
2:26
Next is Burning Fight. I questioned putting this one on the list, but then thought to myself, what do I actually like about this game? Well, I like the bonus stages where you just fight with inanimate objects, but it also makes me question, am I a good guy or a bad guy in this game? I mean, I'm not a thief because I never really steal anything. I guess I'm just a vandal and on the side, I'm a crime fighter. I don't know. Maybe destroying businesses should have been the whole premise of the game because it's oddly satisfying. The rest of it's just kind of boring and unforgettable in my opinion. Except maybe the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Warrior looking dude you fight named Tom Anderson. Anyway, it's not the worst beat-em-up ever, but I find myself bored with it very quickly. Alright, moving on. Next up is Brute Force. The streets are no longer safe. Police can't stop the onslaught of gang activity, and it's our job to restore peace. Yeah, does this stories sound familiar, it's because it's been done a million times. This one almost seems like it had potential, but the weird perspective the game has presented it makes you feel like you're playing an old computer game and not a state-of-the-art arcade game of its time. At times, it almost gives off this sort of postal vibe, except that's kind of offensive to the game postal, so I'll take that back. The weapons you can acquire are actually pretty cool, but it's just a half-baked game in my opinion. It's repetitive, the bosses are not very interesting, and it's just yet another bad beat-em-up.
3:56
Crude Buster Two Crude Dudes I don know whatever this is called It by Data East and I think it trying to be a spiritual successor to Bad Dudes A game I actually like This game just annoys me mostly due to the stiff characters the gameplay and the music that you think is cool at first but becomes extremely annoying after just a minute or two. Here, listen.
4:20
The character sprites are kinda cool, and the post-apocalyptic theme setting looks okay, and I want to like it. I really do. But it's just like a crappy version of Bad Dudes. And if I keep on playing it, it's going to kill my whole nostalgia vibe for Bad Dudes. So for that reason, I'm out. Okay, next up is DD Crew. I guess that stands for Dynamite Demolitions. I read somewhere this was actually supposed to be called Streets of Rage. If this was Streets of Rage, I for sure would not be the fan of the series that I am today. I love the Streets of Rage series, including the newer Streets of Rage for. Anyway, this game almost didn't make my list. The more I played it, the more I kinda liked it. But maybe because it's just so early 1990s. The music is terrible, but kind of in a good way. I don't know. You have to just play it to see for yourself. Trust me when I say this, there are times where the music becomes outright annoying, like in the first stage. But then there are also times where I'm like, Am I going to make love to the boss? Because based on the music, it kind of sounds like it. Listen to this.
5:39
Love it or hate it, I'm afraid you might just have to try this one, despite it being on this list. Next up is Riot City. Capcom must have been like WTF when they saw this stinker. It's basically a complete ripoff of Final Fight. The map that shows in the beginning of each level is almost exactly to that of Final Fight The sound effects are really bad and the music is just not very memorable at all The artwork to me is just meh I had never played this one but was always told if you want to play a really crappy Final Fight clone, play Riot City and I now know why. Stick to Final Fight and erase this game from your mind as quickly as possible. Okay, as if you haven't had enough, it's time for honorable mentions. The first one is Prisoners of War. The second one is Hachu Kazuntite. Yeah, that's the name of the video. That's stupid. I'm leaving that in. And is it okay to have the same game twice? Screw it. I'm doing it anyways. Ninja Clowns is so bad. I'm sorry, but seriously, it's the worst. All right, guys, well, that about wraps up this list of games. Now, keep in mind, some of these games are actually so bad, they're good, if that makes any sense, or they're just so bad that it's going to make you want to check them out, and that's fine, because some of the ones I found while I was playing through them, I actually ended up liking them, but only because they're so bad, if that makes any sense. Anyways, if you have a beat-em-up that you think deserves to be on this list, let me know in the comments below. This isn't a definitive list, it's just my list. You may have others, or you might disagree with me, and if you do, put that in the comments as well. Anyways, that about wraps up this video. If you enjoyed it, give me a thumbs up, consider subscribing to the channel, Put your comments below. I want to hear from you. And don't forget, if you're watching this and it's the week of June 10th, that's actually the premiere of Chasing Nostalgia episode 5. So if you're watching this and you want some other cool Retro Ralph content to watch, on June 10th, there will be the premiere of Chasing Nostalgia episode 5. And I'll have a link right here to get directly to that video. That's it for now, and we will see you on the next one.
7:51
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