Episode 949: "Stern Fires Blanks With a Gun-less John Wick"

Kaneda's Pinball Podcast (Patreon feed)·podcast_episode·8m 18s·analyzed·May 7, 2024

Analysis

claude-haiku-4-5-20251001 · $0.025

TL;DR

Kaneda pans John Wick's gun-less design and mediocre mechanics as proof Stern's pricing and direction are unsustainable.

Summary

Kaneda delivers a scathing critique of Stern's John Wick pinball machine, focusing on the absence of gun imagery despite the film's gun-centric narrative, inadequate mechanical features (bash toy as main highlight), poor lighting design compared to competitors like Elton John, and overpricing at $13,000 LE. He predicts the game will depreciate rapidly to ~$9,000 and signals broader concerns about Stern's direction under Seth Davis, including removal of FOMO, reliance on software/badges instead of mechanical innovation, and a shift toward less enthusiastic community reception.

Key Claims

John Wick pinball has no guns in the artwork or in the chest mechanism, despite guns being central to the film.
high confidence · Kaneda's opening complaint and repeated throughout the episode, describing seeing gameplay videos and the empty chest.
The main mechanical feature of John Wick is a bash toy that swings out and opens a ball pathway, which is insufficient compared to other games like Lord of the Rings.
high confidence · Kaneda's direct analysis of the game's features based on viewing videos.
Stern's lighting system in John Wick appears poor and dated compared to modern games like Elton John and does not capture the neo-noir cityscape aesthetic.
high confidence · Kaneda's comparative critique of Stern's 2024 lighting capabilities versus competitors.
John Wick LE will depreciate from $13,000 to ~$9,000 by end of 2024, representing a $4,000 loss for early buyers.
medium confidence · Kaneda's market prediction based on perceived lack of demand and Stern's overproduction of LE inventory.
Seth Davis's leadership has removed FOMO from Stern releases and shifted the company toward software/internet-connected badges rather than mechanical innovation.
medium confidence · Kaneda's opinion on Stern's strategic direction and pricing model changes.
Pulp Fiction pinball features guns prominently in artwork and gameplay (Samuel L. Jackson sculpture with gun, large gun on playfield), unlike John Wick.
high confidence · Kaneda's direct comparison of two licensed Stern games based on films with gun violence.

Notable Quotes

“Stern Pinball made a John Wick game with no guns in it. There are no guns on the artwork. When you open up that chest underneath John Wick's floor, there's no guns in it.”
Kaneda @ 0:00-0:30 — Central thesis of the episode; the core complaint about thematic inconsistency.
“When the main feature of a Stern pinball machine that they want you to buy for $13,000, when the main feature is a bash toy that swings out, that opens up a ball pathway, that's the main mechanism in this game.”
Kaneda @ 1:00-1:30 — Criticizes mechanical design depth and justification for premium pricing.
“How can Stern Pinball in 2024 walk up to an Elton John machine and see what's possible from a modern lighting standpoint in pinball and then try to sell us this like bag of tic-tac lights for like $13,000?”
Kaneda @ 2:00-2:30 — Highlights technological gap between Stern and other manufacturers; competitive positioning issue.
“You almost have to be a moron to buy a John Wick LE new in box for $13,000. By the end of this year, new in box, John Wick LEs will be selling for $9,000.”
Kaneda @ 5:30-6:00 — Direct market prediction and consumer advice; inflammatory but specific.
“When you think about the direction that Seth Davis has taken this company, he's removed all of our enthusiasm. He's removed all of the FOMO. It used to be so much fun to get that giddy FOMO on the eve of a pinball launch. And now if you're on an LE list, it feels like you're on a detention list.”
Kaneda @ 6:30-7:30 — Systemic critique of Stern's leadership and business strategy; emotional impact on community.
“They want to take this highly physical kinetic game, take out most of the mechanical magic, the physical kinetic magic, and they want to replace it with artwork and software and internet connected badges as a way to justify these prices.”
Kaneda @ 8:30-9:00 — Identifies perceived strategic shift away from mechanical innovation toward digital value justification.
“This feels like it's going to be Venom all over again. Some people are going to buy it and say it's amazing and so much fun. But the truth is this, if you buy this game, you're going to lose a fortune because the demand is never going to be there for it.”

Entities

John WickgameStern PinballcompanyKanedaperson Elliot Eismanperson Randy Martinezperson Seth Davisperson

Signals

?
product_concern: John Wick pinball lacks gun imagery in artwork and playfield despite guns being central to the film's identity and action sequences. The empty chest mechanism contradicts the iconic scene from the movie.
high · Kaneda's repeated emphasis on the absence of guns and direct comparison to Pulp Fiction, which prominently features guns.
?
product_concern: Primary mechanical feature (bash toy opening a ball pathway) is perceived as underwhelming for a $13,000 machine, lacking the engineering drama and wow-factor of past Stern designs.
high · Direct analysis of gameplay videos; comparison to Lord of the Rings Balrog toy; statement about underutilized playfield when lifted.
?
product_concern: John Wick's lighting system appears dated and fails to capture modern neo-noir NYC aesthetic. Stern's 2024 lighting capabilities lag behind competitors (Elton John cited as benchmark).
high · Kaneda's direct visual critique comparing Stern's 'tic-tac lights' to modern lighting standards; competitive positioning issue.
$
market_signal: Kaneda predicts John Wick LE will depreciate from $13,000 to ~$9,000 by end of 2024, driven by lack of demand and Stern's apparent willingness to produce full allocation regardless of sales velocity.
medium · Explicit market prediction with specific price targets; comparison to other poorly-performing recent releases (Venom); broader pattern of LE inventory gluts.
?
business_signal: Stern's $13,000 LE pricing is perceived as disconnected from mechanical/design innovation justification. Kaneda argues the company is overpricing games and destroying its business model.

Topics

John Wick gun imagery absence / thematic inconsistencyprimaryMechanical design depth and innovation in modern Stern gamesprimaryPricing strategy and perceived overvaluation of LE editionsprimaryStern's lighting technology compared to competitorsprimarySecondary market depreciation predictions and collector FOMOprimarySeth Davis's leadership direction and strategic decisionssecondaryShift from mechanical innovation to software/digital badges as value justificationsecondaryComparison with competing manufacturers (Elton John example)secondary

Sentiment

negative(-0.85)— Kaneda is highly critical and dismissive of John Wick, though he explicitly states he doesn't hate the game itself. His tone is frustrated and resigned rather than angry. He views the game as symptomatic of larger systemic problems at Stern (pricing, strategy, removal of mechanical innovation). The negativity extends to Stern's direction broadly, not just this title.

Transcript

groq_whisper · $0.025

Wake up! Time to die! Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Canadian Pinball Podcast. I'm just here to tell you this right now. I'm just watching the John Wick videos. I'm seeing the gameplay. I'm seeing the features. I'm seeing the artwork. And here's my thing. I can't get over one simple thing. Stern Pinball made a John Wick game. with no guns in it. There are no guns on the artwork. When you open up that chest underneath John Wick's floor, there's no guns in it. I remember the movie. I remember when he uses that sledgehammer and he opens up that chest. One side are the gold coins and the other side are his guns. How can you make a John Wick pinball machine with no guns in it? What is this, like the woke Disney version of John Wick? Thank you. No, thank you, Stern Pinball. Hard stop there. Look, let's get serious though. Like this game looks fine. You know, there's not a lot to hate about this game, but there's also not a ton to love in this game. When the main feature of a Stern pinball machine that they want you to buy for $13,000, when the main feature is a bash toy that swings out, that opens up a ball pathway, that's the main mechanism in this game. Think about a game like Lord of the Rings, right? Would they start as the Balrog being the main highlight of that game? Even that toy has way more drama and excitement in it. But no, you get the bash toy, you get the upper play field, you get the ring that magnetically freezes the ball in midair. That's my thing about this game. It's like, it's fine. There's just nothing about it that screams take my money now. There's nothing about it that screams we had to stay up late at night to figure out how to engineer this into the game And I sorry ladies and gentlemen but the Stern lighting system is looking so poor right now Like these games just don look modern They don bring that like Neo Tokyo New York City Skyline, World of John Wick to life. I'm sorry, but how can Stern Pinball in 2024 walk up to an Elton John machine and see what's possible from a modern lighting standpoint in pinball and then try to sell us this like bag of like tic-tac lights for like $13,000. It's just not there. And I know what you're saying. You're like, Kaneda, take a deep breath. And believe me, I'm not offended by this game. I was never going to buy this game. I didn't want to hate this game. I don't even hate this game. I love John Wick as a movie, but you can't make a stern pinball machine based on John Wick and have no guns in the artwork. Look at Pulp Fiction. Did they remove the guns from that pinball machine? John Wick fires more guns in like 10 minutes than the entire three hours of Pulp Fiction the movie. And when you look at Pulp Fiction pinball, you've got the big gun smack dab in the middle of the playfield. You got Samuel L. Jackson pointing a gun at you as a sculpt in the game. And then you look at John Wick and it's like Stern wants him to just use nunchucks and pencils and other things like samurai swords, but where are the guns? I think this game is going to have a very mediocre response, and it's just proving my fear that none of these Stern games can be designed to be worth what they want us to pay for these games. When you lift the playfield on John Wick, trust me, ladies and gentlemen, when you lift the playfield on this game, it's going to be empty underneath. Like, empty. I mean, think about it. Like, where is the engineering? I know this is like a new designer in Elliot Elliot Eismin, but like I was expecting more WoW toys in this game. And they're just not there. They're all right. The artwork by Randy Martinez is nice I think the artwork looks good I like the Ellie art package on the game I think for some reason the premium art packages both on Jaws and this Stern is really sandbagging the premiums I think they know that they're not moving a thousand LEs anymore. They're really trying to push people towards these LEs because the premiums just don't look good. And when I'm looking at this game and I'm thinking about the features of the Pro, I just feel like the Pro might be the way to go on John Wick. But deep down, ladies and gentlemen, deep down in your pinball souls, you know you're not going to buy this game. You almost have to be a moron. And I mean this, and I don't want to insult any of you, but you almost have to be a moron to buy a John Wick LE new in box for $13,000. Stern is going to make every one of these games. By the end of this year, It's not even going to take 12 months. By the end of this year, trust me, new in box, John Wick LEs will be selling for $9,000. So you could save $4,000 if you wait, or you could be a moron and buy it today because money is no object to you. I'm trying to look out for each and every one of you. This just isn't going to work. Stern's just not going to be able to do this. They don't have enough Elwynn bangers in the portfolio coming out. They just don't. And I really feel bad for all the designers and all the Stern fans, because when you think about the direction that Seth Davis has taken this company, he's removed all of our enthusiasm. He's removed all of the FOMO. It used to be so much fun to get that giddy FOMO on the eve of a pinball launch. And now if you're on an LE list, it feels like you're on a detention list. It feels like you're being punished. Like if you had to buy an LE for $13,000, that feels like punishment. It doesn't feel like a reward. And until Stern fixes this, every single game they come out with now is going to be looked at like this. And I think they're destroying this hobby. I think they destroying their very own business model And it just not going to work It just not going to work There no way these games even fit the bill for this much money and they overpriced and they making games like Elton John look even more attractive because at least games like that feel like modern pinball experiences where there's more innovation. And you know what Stern wants? They want to push us into this world where like insider connected and achievements are where we're going to get the value. You know why they want to push us there because that's cheap for them to do, to make these silly badges on Insider Connected. It doesn't cost them much. Those things never break. And so they want to take this highly physical kinetic game, take out most of the mechanical magic, the physical kinetic magic, and they want to replace it with artwork and software and internet connected badges as a way to justify these prices. It's not going to work, ladies and gentlemen. I saw this game. I didn't have high hopes. It's not pissing me off. It's just such an easy pass. It's like, okay, this feels like it's going to be Venom all over again. Some people are going to buy it and say it's amazing and so much fun. But the truth is this, if you buy this game, you're going to lose a fortune because the demand is never going to be there for it. I'm going to go have lunch. It's sunny outside. Everybody, thank you for being a member of the Canada Club. Obviously, we will be talking more about this game this week, but that's my initial impressions of John Wick. Nothing majorly magical in it. And a John Wick game with no guns in the artwork shows me that Stern is the new Disney. They went woke. And when you go woke on something like John Wick, you're gonna go broke, Stern. We're not buying this. We're grown men. Stop treating us like kids, especially if you want us to spend $13,000 on a non-essential toy. Kaneda out. Peace. He did it again It's gonna bring you down It's making me revolt